The short answer — is yes, they can. Avoidant individuals want and need love just like everyone else. They want to feel close to people and receive love from them. Avoidants can have happy and rewarding relationships, but research shows a direct connection between high levels of happiness and secure attachment.
Therefore, dismissive and fearful avoidants tend to settle down with anxious attachment types. This results in codependent relationships where the avoidant partner does not want to be intimate whilst the other partner is needy and fearful of being alone. These relationships are very common but emotionally unhealthy.
But avoidants often feel great shame over their natural avoidant impulses, so it is very difficult for them to do this. This instinctive need to hide themselves can produce anxiety and depression, and a feeling of the need to escape.
An avoidant partner needs to trust that you're there for them without being overly clingy. They also tend to watch behaviors intently to believe that. So, doing things together to create positive feelings will build trust over time. Examples include reading, walking, and going to shows together, amongst others.
You're never required to stay in relationships that don't feel good for you, and attachment differences can be particularly challenging. But if you're looking for ideas on how to have a healthier relationship with your avoidant partner, I have great news: It's possible.
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a negative view of self and a negative view of others. Those who fall into this category view themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
If you feel that your avoidant partner isn't recognizing your love or reciprocating your efforts, it's time to leave. While you might feel emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, this is all part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the painful feelings of your breakup.
An avoidant person, with no one else to blame, may resort to narcissism (a falsely elevated sense of self), introversion (unaccountable to others), or perfectionism (rigidly accountable to self). The narcissist elevates self at the expense of others, believing self to be superior.
Adults with avoidant attachment may struggle to establish close relationships as a result of being very independent and unlikely to look to others for support or help. A person who is concerned that they or their child may have avoidant attachment should speak to a therapist or doctor.
For this reason, and the fact that they find emotional closeness difficult, avoidant adults may be more likely to have a lot of friends rather than a few close ones.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Because of this emotional distancing, they tend to be less empathic toward people in need (Joireman, Needham, & Cummings, 2001; Wayment, 2006). Further, avoidant people tend to respond negatively to their partner's emotions because those emotions can signal that they need more attention and intimacy.
The avoidant, or the dismissive avoidant will avoid all things about their ex after a breakup (this usually happens during the no contact rule.) After enough of this avoidant behavior feelings slowly begin to bubble to the surface. This makes them want to suppress those feelings.
Fearful avoidants often “deactivate” their attachment systems due to repeated rejections by others9. When they are in distress, they deactivate their attachment behavior. Consequently, the more upset their romantic partner is, the less likely a fearful-avoidant adult is to offer comfort and support10.
They have emotions the same way that we do, they just feel them differently and they don't feel them as intensely as a person that is anxious preoccupied. What they miss about the relationship is the togetherness and the closeness. They may not miss the relationship in itself because relationships take a lot of work.
People with an avoidant attachment style tend to cope with abandonment issues by not allowing people to get close to them, and not opening up and trusting others. They may be characteristically distant, private, or withdrawn.
According to researchers, avoidants distance from romantic partners by using various “deactivating strategies” in relationships. These methods and strategies are like an “anti-intimacy” toolbox. They consciously or unconsciously deny their needs for attachment and connection.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.