Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or be reliant on others.
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely.
Here is what I want you to know: people with the avoidant attachment adaptation are not inherently abusive. This stereotype is not only extremely harmful for the people who are working hard to heal themselves, but it's dismissive of their early experiences and their deep longing to connect with others.
A dismissive-avoidant person cannot form supportive relationships. They are not comfortable providing support to friends or romantic partners and they feel less obligated to do so. Their view of those who seek support is that they are dependent, weak, emotionally unstable, and immature.
Dismissive-avoidants believe that they don't need emotional connection and use this behavior as a defense mechanism. However, the isolation that it causes can affect their overall happiness in the long term.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met. Perfectionism; nothing is good enough, the standard is set unrealistically high for themselves and often for others.
An avoidant person, with no one else to blame, may resort to narcissism (a falsely elevated sense of self), introversion (unaccountable to others), or perfectionism (rigidly accountable to self). The narcissist elevates self at the expense of others, believing self to be superior.
So, those studies that find correlations between dismissing attachment and narcissism report results from people who, for the most part, do not have dismissing attachment styles and are not narcissists.
A dismissive-avoidant will shut down when approached with inconsistent communication. Over time a Dismissive-avoidant will stop trying to bridge the gap in emotional connection and slowly give up on the relationship.
For this reason, and the fact that they find emotional closeness difficult, avoidant adults may be more likely to have a lot of friends rather than a few close ones. Avoidant attachers are often the life and soul of the party due to their elevated confidence and high self-esteem.
Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse
Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or be reliant on others.
Love and affection incite feelings of vulnerability so are threats - avoidants avoid love to avoid hurt, and when they encounter reliable love are drawn to try to spoil it to prove to themselves it can't be real. They will hurt the people who show they care about them the most.
In an argument, partners with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style might hide or suppress their feelings to avoid sharing or becoming emotionally tangled with another person.
Much like the anxious attachment style, the avoidant attachment style is often due to early childhood experiences. Trauma that could cause avoidant attachment includes neglect. This can explain why they fear getting too close to others. Or, why they feel they have to be so independent.
Most researchers have concluded that individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles are more susceptible to either victimization or perpetration of IPV.
A fearful/avoidant attachment style usually develops when one's caregiver is also the perpetrator of abuse. As a child, this person has likely experienced abuse in the home, in the form of physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or a chaotic family dynamic.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
Someone who is dismissive-avoidant will easily feel smothered if their partner tries to chase them. If they feel controlled or like their partner is trying to change them in some way, they might pull away.
Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation. Even when avoidant attachers do engage in dating and relationships, those relationships are usually casual and short-lived. Avoidant attachers tend to feel threatened by emotional intimacy and use various defense mechanisms.
Avoidants don't necessarily lack empathy, though their behavior sometimes makes it seem like they do.
Even though those with dismissive avoidant attachment can look fiercely independent (even to the point of narcissism), their problems frequently stem from low self-esteem just like someone with an anxious attachment.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
We've seen that anxious-avoidant relationships result in unavoidable conflict. In the worst-case scenario, the chronic clashes between anxious and avoidant partners escalate to the point that the relationship is toxic and destructive. This typically takes the form of verbal and emotional abuse.
This means they love you because those with avoidant attachments have a tendency to be hypersexual. If they leave you alone in their home or apartment, that's a big sign they care.
While love addicts require constant emotional reassurance and attention as proof of a loving relationship, the love avoidant person often feels that their love is proven simply by supporting their partner on an economic and physical level. For the emotionally avoidant person, love becomes an obligation.