For example, instead of coming off as aloof, an emotionally unavailable person can be really happy and excited to see you, but they won't remember what's important to you or details about your life. In essence, they'll be thrilled to spend time with you, but they won't consider you when you're not together.
Are emotionally unavailable people unhappy? These people need to first get in touch with their own feelings before they are able to share feelings with their partner. All emotionally unavailable people have bouts of anxiety and/or depression but usually unknown to them because they are so unaware of their feelings.
While emotional availability is a key part of healthy relationships, emotional unavailability tends to be characteristic of unhealthy or even toxic relationships or patterns. After all, a critical part of forming and maintaining meaningful relationships is getting vulnerable and taking some risks with our emotions.
Emotionally unavailable people can certainly fall in love. They just might have a harder time recognizing when it happens and putting their feelings into words. Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from a deeper fear of intimacy or rejection — fears that can complicate someone's experiences with love.
An Emotionally unavailable person often has a fear or a blockage to emotional intimacy, leaving the other person feeling like they are grasping for more, left feeling misunderstood, emotionally unsatisfied and confused.
They are not always toxic.
At its full blown best, it can be toxic. It blocks intimacy. It creates distance between partners and leads to breakups and loneliness. One of the common struggles in relationships is a mismatch in emotional expression.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
They Are Slow to Commit to You
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.
Anxiety is about fear, and fear is one of the root causes of an emotionally unavailability: fear of intimacy, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, irrational fear of death and/or fear of being exposed as less than who they portray themselves to be.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
A one-sided relationship with someone who can't support or love you in the way you deserve is exhausting. Not to mention, it could even toe the line of a specific type of emotional abuse, called gaslighting. If the person shows no signs of changing their habits, think of moving on as an act of self-care.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
Many people ask questions like can emotionally unavailable men fall in love? The answer is yes! They can fall in love when they see the right person. Emotionally unavailable men would be ready to drop all their unhealthy behaviors so that they would not scare their love interest away.
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
Avoidant attachment develops when an infant or young child has a parent or caregiver who is consistently emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to their needs. Infants with an avoidant attachment style may also have faced repeated discouragement from crying or expressing outward emotion.
"People who struggle with emotional availability tend to ghost when there is a conflict or the interaction begins to feel too intense," he says. "It is a form of self-regulation; withdrawing is an indirect expression of a boundary without asking specifically for space."
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
They desperately want to feel connected but have a hard time trusting others. They tend to rely on themselves and often see themselves as abandoned, but they push people away, in actuality. There is a constant fear that their partner will view them in a negative light and leave.
Enjoy living in the moment. Resist the urge to talk about the future or you could scare him off. An emotionally unavailable man might struggle with commitment, but you can put him at ease by simply being spontaneous and having fun in the moment. Wait to make future plans until he's the one to bring them up.
To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them. At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Final Thoughts on Emotionally Unavailable Man
When it comes to emotionally unavailable men, it's never black and white. Truth is, they do have feelings, sometimes even more than usual. The problem is, most of the time, they don't know how to acknowledge them, express them or recognize them.
Traumatic events: There could also be situational causes such as a break-up, divorce, or traumatic experience that can cause people to shut down emotionally in order to maintain everyday functioning, because if they were to feel the extent of their emotions it might be challenging for them to go on living their lives.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.