Narcissists will use rough or degrading sex as a way to control their partners. While consensual kinks of many kinds are a part of many healthy relationships, a narcissist doesn't care about consent while engaging in narcissistic sexual behavior.
People who show signs of narcissistic sexual behavior have some common characteristics, including: believing your sexual desire is a personal right, known as sexual entitlement. using manipulation to obtain sex, known as sexual exploitation. grandiose or inflated sense of sexual ability or skills.
While sex with a narcissist is initially romantic and passionate, it often turns one-sided, transactional, and potentially even aggressive.
In a relationship with a narcissist, however, that abuse becomes magnified. For the narcissist, sexual abuse is used to control your behavior, elevate their feelings of superiority, reenact their fantasies (not yours), and paralyze you.
The narcissist feels entitled to take control within the relationship by making the important decisions, having the final say, and not seek their partner's input. The partner is seen as less of a separate person and more as an extension of the narcissist.
Sexual narcissists are preoccupied with their own satisfaction, ignoring the needs of their sexual partner. When their partner does express a sexual need or preference, the sexual narcissist may ignore the request or accuse their partner of being controlling or selfish.
Narcissists, on the other hand, want to fast-forward both emotional and physical intimacy as a way to win your trust and investment in them quickly. This is someone who, without even knowing you, professes their adoration with you early on.
They will typically want their partner to focus on their pleasure and nothing else. They may like to be in control during sex, and may enjoy physical displays of dominance. They may also demand frequent compliments and be more inclined to have elaborate fantasies that center around their own dominance and pleasure.
"They often gravitate towards those who can serve their needs, whether it's through admiration and validation or providing a sense of control and power," she said. "It's a complex dynamic, and understanding it can be helpful in navigating relationships with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits."
Indeed, we knew from prior work that narcissists fantasize about having power over others, and that their sense of self-worth fluctuates based on others' respect and admiration. To understand what narcissists want, it is critical to examine what makes them feel good and bad.
It's easy to be seduced by generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. This is how narcissists manipulate you to achieve their aims. They brag about themselves in order to be admired, loved, and gratified. Codependents with low self-esteem are easy targets.
Narcissists are on the lookout for a lot of admiration, says Dr. Forshee, and they search for sexual partners who will comply with that. They may sext openly from the jump and without inhibition, and they'll want you, as the sexual counterpart, to reward that behavior whenever it occurs—even if it's unsolicited.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single.
Someone who is highly empathic might be drawn to narcissists, and vice versa, as narcissists rely on being the sole focus of their partner's attention.
They Are Criticized. When a narcissist is criticized, their inflated sense of self is damaged. Any perceived negative feedback, even if offered in gentle or productive ways, can easily result in outbursts of narcissistic rage. A narcissist cannot tolerate threats to their massive egos and grandiose self-image.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Indeed, studies show that narcissists “are oriented to short-term mating, have a higher number of sexual partners, and seek short-term mates,” which places one-night stands high on their list of favorable sexual interactions. This is hardly surprising, given how narcissists struggle in long-term relationships.
Since reality doesn't support their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world propped up by distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They spin self-glorifying fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel special and in control.
A narcissist will manipulate and control others to feel good, which is why they can be abusive in relationships. They can use aggression and be rude, offensive, and belittling towards their partners to wear down their self-worth.
But this was not the case for narcissists—they were significantly more satisfied with partners who met their ideals for attractiveness, status, and vitality. This shows that not only do narcissists value “trophy” traits in a partner, but they are happier with their relationships when they obtain those traits.
"But with a narcissist, you'll always feel like you're trying to entertain them. Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds.
For narcissists, kissing should be used to manipulate someone, not as a means to grow closer and create strong emotional bonds — that's way too scary. The last thing a narcissist wants is to feel vulnerable or as if their true selves can be seen.
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.