Not all people with narcissism are unhappy, but many can't find contentment when they aren't the center of attention. They may seem unhappy or insecure unless they get their way and receive praise. However, when they're not happy, they may do whatever they can to disrupt your happiness.
Underneath their façade is toxic shame, which may be unconscious. Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequate―vulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others. This is one reason that they can't take criticism, responsibility, dissent, or negative feedback even when meant to be constructive.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
A narcissist wants to be treated like they're better than everyone else. You can make them super upset by treating them like everyone else. Don't praise them excessively, don't react to their comments, and stick to neutral statements when you're talking to them.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
Rejection, humiliation, and even the tiniest of defeats can shake them to their core. This leaves narcissists wholly focused on their image. They believe that how they are viewed by others, and how they view themselves, will shield them against realities of life that few of us like but most of us come to accept.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissists lack empathy. They're “unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.” (APA, 2013) Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
These results suggest that narcissists do not uniformly dislike themselves “deep down inside.” Rather, narcissists report high explicit and implicit self-views on measures of agency, and neutral self-views on measures of communion.
Overly critical remarks about our appearance, our talents, our achievements, our lifestyles, our choices are all fair game in a narcissist's mind. Shaming us for existing as an independent human being with our own lives, preferences, opinions, and worldviews is the way narcissists program us to self-destruct.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
He is the person most insensitive to his true needs. The narcissist drains himself of mental energy in this process. This is why he has none left to dedicate to others. This fact, as well as his inability to love human beings in their many dimensions and facets, ultimately transform him into a recluse.
Narcissistic emptiness involves disconnection not only from the Essential Identity, but from Being as a whole. It is the absence of self-realization. It is the gap between our essential nature and who we take ourselves to be.
Mental Breakdowns
A narcissist may have a breakdown if their supply is cut off and they feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or out of control. Narcissistic breakdown symptoms can include rage, impulsive behaviors, or other ways of showcasing intense mental suffering.
This is what narcissistic abuse looks like.
The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress the victim back to the abusive incidents, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.
As we get older, we all require more care and support from those around us. An elderly narcissist struggles greatly with the idea of looking weak or relying on others. In response to the natural aging process, they may become more hostile, more self-centered, and more inflexible.
As stated in the literature review, a person high in narcissism has the characteristics of high trait EI, such as assertiveness and achievement motivation (Foster and Campbell, 2005).
Apologize. If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
One of the biggest insecurities of narcissists is their lack of emotional intelligence. They must learn how to be happy when their loved ones are happy. And offer comfort when they are sad. Until then, their insecurities around their lack of empathy will continue.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.