Pallbearers are usually chosen by the closest relatives of the person who has died, and may be family members, close friends or co-workers.
Pallbearers are usually close family members and friends. Siblings, adult children, grown grandchildren, nieces and nephews, close friends, and colleagues are all common choices for pallbearers. However, anyone can serve as a pallbearer.
The people you choose can be close family members and close friends of the deceased. It's better to pick individuals of the same height so that it's easier to carry the coffin and the weight is evenly distributed. There can be either 6 or 4 pallbearers depending on the weight of the casket.
Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It's both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you.
In many funerals, the pallbearers are seated together in a special section of the funeral setting as a group. When most or all of the pallbearers are family members, they may choose to be seated with their family.
The traditional format regarding the number of pallbearers is 6, primarily due to the length of the standard casket, so that 3 people on either side can conveniently carry the casket. Most caskets have additional handles at each end which will accommodate 2 more bearers.
Is Carrying a Coffin Heavy for Pallbearers? Yes, carrying a coffin can be burdensome for pallbearers. The body, casket, and hardware may weigh 400 pounds. If that weight is divided evenly among six pallbearers, each one is responsible for about 66 pounds.
Due to this heaviness, pallbearers are typically males over the age of 16. However, women can also serve as pallbearers. Those chosen are often close to the departed or the bereaved family.
Opinions differ on whether family members should be asked to be pallbearers. Some people consider it a no-no, while others are fine with including family members. It's possible that immediate family members of the deceased, like siblings or children, may be grieving too deeply to be tasked with this job.
Pallbearers will have to carry the casket with the body inside, so they will have to transport the body's weight and the coffin. 370 to 400 pounds is the final weight that pallbearers will carry if the casket is standard sized, 200 pounds heavy, whereas the adult body is 200 pounds (male) or 170 pounds (female).
Pallbearer etiquette
Carry the coffin with dignity and respect. Carefully follow the funeral director's instructions. Wear smart and appropriate attire. Walk slowly and steadily. Arrive at the funeral slightly early.
It is not common to see women carrying the casket, but that is not to say that there is anything wrong with women taking up this honourable duty in a funeral service.
Know the weight of the person in the coffin and bear in mind that wooden coffins are also quite heavy, adding up to 20kg. If the load is more than 90kgs (14 stones) you will need six bearers. If the load is more than 125 kilos (20 stones), you should think very carefully about carrying the coffin.
Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses. You really don't want to trip when carrying the casket.
At most funerals the first 1-3 rows will be reserved for family members. Who sits with the family at a funeral? Proper funeral etiquette dictates that the closer you are to the deceased, the closer you will be to the casket. Spouse, parents, and children of the deceased will sit closest to the front.
Try to keep your emotions in check
No one will fault you for letting a few tears slip, but if you're concerned you won't be able to do your duty without heavy crying, you might want to decline the invitation to be a pallbearer. It's best to keep a straight face.
Conventionally, you will see men as pallbearers. However, women can also serve as pallbearers at a funeral. It depends on who volunteers for it and whether all the family members are on board with the decision.
Who Should Serve as Pallbearers? Traditionally, men are seen as pallbearers. But, to answer the question in the title, yes, women do the job as well. This actually depends on the discretion of the family members, or in some instances, based on who will volunteer for the duty.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.
As early as the 1700s, gloves were given to pallbearers by the deceased's family to handle the casket. They were a symbol of purity, and considered a symbol of respect and honor.
The casket is not lowered to the ground by the pallbearers. At the end of the service, the funeral director and staff are in charge of lowering the casket. At the graveside, the role of the pallbearer comes to a close and they sit or stand to join their family and friends.
If You Haven't Selected Pallbearers
In these instances, you can work with your local funeral home to assign extra employees to help perform this service. You might also work with a local church to find senior church leaders or even youth who would be able to help.
Typically, pallbearers are family members or close friends. Both women and men serve as pallbearers. The decision lays on the mere fact that a casket is a heavy, physical carrying and the person selected must be able to bear the weight.
If you have been asked to be a pallbearer but do not feel comfortable performing this role, it is perfectly acceptable to decline. There is no shame in admitting that carrying a casket is not something you feel comfortable doing. If you decline, simply thank the family for asking and express your condolences.