Poor self control, selfishness, anger, boredom, and attention-seeking are the most common reasons a person is unfaithful in their relationship.
Being selfish in a relationship means the cheater wants what they want all for themselves without regard for their partner. Cheating is selfish. By living a double life through infidelity, the cheater keeps a deep part of themselves away from themselves and their partner.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
So why do people cheat? Well, 80% of the time, it's not because of a failing relationship, psychotherapist and relationship therapist Esther Perel said in her TED talk. An infidelity is often a selfish act, and its motivation has everything to do with the person who's cheating.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
Between one in four to five Americans have an affair in their lifetime. Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
There are consistent associations between infidelity and each of the Big 5 traits. For example, people who cheat in romantic relationships score higher on Neuroticism, Openness to Experience, and Extraversion. They score lower on Agreeableness and Conscientiousness.
Marin understood the pain that cheating could cause but warned against generalizing those who have been unfaithful. "People who cheat, they're not terrible, evil, horrible people. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat, as well," added Marin.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
Supporting data from the IFS 1990s survey also says that men have always been more inclined to cheat than women. But during this period, older men have the same tendency to cheat as their younger peers. The survey says that infidelity among men peaked at the age of 50 to 59 (31%).
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one's partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.
Not all people with narcissistic personality traits are unfaithful in their relationships, but narcissism may naturally make cheating more likely. Serial cheating, having multiple partners, and increasing cruelty are all narcissist cheating patterns to be aware of.
Many people cheat because of anger, lack of love, low commitment, esteem, and neglect. Plus, some cheaters want to be discovered. Women have longer affairs, and affairs were also longer and more emotionally satisfying when participants felt closer to their affair partner.
Low self-esteem can cause people to be very dependent on the attentions of others—and in some cases, the attention of just one person isn't enough. It may also cause someone to feel insecure in their own relationship, so much so that they might cheat as a way of rejecting rather than being rejected.
No, cheating doesn't mean your love wasn't real.
People fall in and out of love all the time. Even if something went wrong or someone made a mistake, you could theoretically say that love existed before the infidelity, and after the infidelity, even if it wasn't there in the moment.
Johns Hopkins University. "Married people who cheat don't often regret it: Infidelity survey reveals little remorse, high rates of satisfaction." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 22 May 2023.
Sometimes people cheat because of deep-seeded thrill seeking behavior. Knowing that something is wrong or taboo is exciting to some people, and can lead them to infidelity even if they are in a happy relationship.
Whereas demographic and personality factors were weak and inconsistent predictors, relationship factors were much stronger. Low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love are the most robust predictors of infidelity. The gender gap in infidelity appears to be shrinking.
Cheating is often an outlet for frustration and unsolved troubles in the relationship. When people think that they're not getting anywhere with their partner, they try to avoid conflict and cheat as a way to escape their troubles with their existing partner.
Habitual Infidelity: For some people, cheating in a relationship becomes a habit. It may stem from a condition, such as sex addiction, or it may be learned behavior. Habitual infidelity can also come from a more complex underlying issue – self-destruction, adrenaline seeking, low self-esteem, etc.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
My strong opinion is that a person cannot make a wise and thoughtful decision about much of anything when they are having an affair. I am well aware that the euphoric state cannot just be turned off like a bath faucet, so telling a person to end the affair and expect that to happen is a fool's game.