It reminds us that someone else has been chosen. The moment you are excluded is a great opportunity for growth. When our longing to be recognized and honored is exposed we have the opportunity to repent and walk in humility.
We feel lonely
“Feeling excluded, rejected, or left out also hits on our sense of self-worth, which we develop through our interpersonal relationships with others,” says psychologist Holly Schiff, out of Greenwich, Connecticut. Over time, loneliness may cause a decline in your general well-being.
When someone excludes you, you might feel social pain as well as surprise (“I did not expect this to happen! Why are they excluding me?”). But some other studies have suggested that dACC activity in response to social exclusion is not merely due to surprise, and that the dACC's main role is in processing pain.
Your Brain On Exclusion
You know how emotionally painful it feels. Our belonging is threatened when we are ostracized or excluded, and we dive into Critter State (fight, flight, freeze). Now our brain literally cannot function the way it does when it feels safe and is in Smart State.
As noted, individuals often socially exclude others due to their own insecurities. Be reassured that their actions are likely not a result of anything you've done wrong. If anything, they may think you're too good and feel threatened! Rather than blaming yourself, you can transform negative energies into self-kindness.
Social Exclusion is now recognized as a sub group of bullying. This means that idea of excluding someone repeatedly, aggressively and on purpose with the intent to cause emotional harm to them, is right up there with verbal, physical and cyber bullying.
Some of the reasons are power, social status, and prejudices. Those who exclude may do so to exert their power over another. This is sometimes exhibited in work situations. A manager may create a clique of favored workers to gain confidences and information over other employees.
It happens to everybody at one point or another. Sometimes though, experiences with social exclusion can get stuck (usually if they were extremely intense and/or chronic). They freeze in our Nervous System as a trauma, meaning they are suspended in a fight or flight mode.
Social exclusion is often a cause of poverty, conflict and insecurity.
Repeated exclusion from others, feeling like you need to mask to fit in, or having to participate in activities or be in environments that cause sensory overload is stressful and exhausting. And as these experiences pile up, they can turn into trauma.
As a general rule of thumb, a person is likely to be disliked if they are overwhelmingly negative, put others down or have no interest in their peers. Social anxiety can also be a concern; a person who thinks little of their own social aptitude may appear unlikable to others.
Autophobia, also called monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia, is the specific phobia or a morbid fear or dread of oneself or of being alone, isolated, abandoned, and ignored. This specific phobia is associated with the idea of being alone, causing severe anxiety. Autophobia. Specialty. Psychology.
Physical symptoms — such as headaches, feeling ill, having pains, feeling tired, having sleep problems or lacking motivation. Mental health conditions — such as depression, feeling anxious, having panic attacks or feeling paranoid. Low energy — feeling tired or not having motivation.
Feeling Excluded Hurts Psychologically
Lots of research has established that even a brief experience of being rejected by a total stranger can make people feel sad and angry. Even more than these negative emotions, though, feeling left out can mess with some fundamental psychological needs.
Regardless of the cause, however, symptoms tend to be more alike than different. One of the most notable symptoms for a majority of those affected by PTSD is self-isolation.
Childhood Trauma
Abuse and neglect, losing a caregiver/parent, and other childhood traumas can lead to feelings of abandonment and cause challenges in forming healthy attachments. Things that can cause psychological and physical trauma in childhood include: Abuse.
Losing a parent or guardian during childhood can create a lasting fear of abandonment. Research shows that abandonment trauma can occur after the death of a caregiver. Similarly, when a parent has a serious illness, it can lead to these fears as well, even if they ultimately survive.
Acknowledge feeling of anger and hurt toward whoever excluded you, but try not to dwell on them for too long. To help acceptance, remind yourself that these feelings are not permanent, but that they are teaching you something meaningful about the social world.
The overarching framework that has guided our research is the need-threat temporal model of ostracism (Williams, 2009). This model posits three stages: immediate (or reflexive), coping (or reflective), and long-term (or resignation).
One reason people leave others out is if they don't feel comfortable spending time with them. This is especially the case if you haven't actually done anything 'wrong,' but they still feel uncomfortable. They don't feel they can say anything. Instead, they limit how much time they spend with you.
First, validate their feelings.
You can say something like, “Yes, that's normal! It makes sense that you'd feel that way given that so many of our relationships have all had to change this year.” This lets them know that you've heard them and you respect them for feeling comfortable enough to open up.
“Exclusion consists of dynamic, multi-dimensional processes driven by unequal power relationships interacting across four main dimensions—economic, political, social and cul- tural—and at different levels including individual, household, group, community, country and global levels.