It is possible for two anxiously attached people to have a good relationship as long as they are able to communicate their emotions.
A securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. They're able to understand their partner's needs and therefore can help to regulate their partner's emotions.
Fearful avoidant attachment style
Partners of the same attachment style tend to be able to fair well together if they do the self-work to improve. Attachment styles pair well together because the actions of the other aren't shocking. For this dynamic, one core desire is prevalent; trust in the long term.
For example, two avoidants in a relationship may operate quite harmoniously as they both respect the other's need for space and discomfort with expressing emotions. However, someone with an anxious attachment style in relationships may struggle to understand an avoidant partner's actions and push for closeness.
It is possible for two anxiously attached people to have a good relationship as long as they are able to communicate their emotions.
When both partners have an anxious attachment style, the relationship can often limp along based on mutual fear and need. In such cases, as "safe" as partners might feel, unaddressed wounds often silently fester and manifest as anxiety and stress.
Attachment style compatibility research finds that the two least compatible personality types are the anxious and avoidant. A person who is avoidant wants to avoid getting too attached to the other person. Around one in four people has an avoidant attachment style.
"Disorganized attachment style is said to be the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat or change," Feuerman says. But it's important to know that your attachment style can shift over time — you can develop a secure attachment style by changing the way you act and think.
The anxiously attached person craves more connection and closeness and feels triggered by the avoidant person pulling away. Meanwhile the avoidant person feels triggered by the anxious person's desire for closeness because they themselves value their independence and freedom and fear being consumed.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
As I pointed out earlier, previous studies on dating couples had showed that the anxiously attached were least likely to be unfaithful and the avoidantly attached the most.
People who possess an anxious attachment style tend to over-identify with and obsess over their relationships, becoming preoccupied with the emotional availability of their love interests.
Don't invalidate their feelings
Do not shame or judge them for feeling and instead show compassion. While it may sound challenging to date someone with an anxious attachment style, the good news is, through support from their partner and their own self-work, they can move from anxious to secure.
There are four principles of attachment theory - secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment. People with an anxious attachment style are more likely to struggle with self-doubt, fall in love quickly and carry a strong fear that their partner will leave them. They often require reassurance.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Conflict avoidance: Most people with this attachment style are conflict-averse. They may shut down or end a close relationship at the first sign of conflict. Suppressing emotions: Dismissive avoidant people tend to conceal their feelings.
Disorganized attachment is the most extreme insecure attachment style, therapist Chamin Ajjan, M.S., LCSW, A-CBT, tells mbg. People with a disorganized attachment style have a strong desire for intimate connections but also put up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt.
It is possible, however, to change an attachment style from anxious to secure. Corrective emotional experiences can ensure a person builds healthy, secure relationships with others who are also healthy and secure.
People with anxious attachment style need constant validation, Wegner says, so distance—even if it's perceived—can be triggering. "This can come in the form of a partner going out with friends, connecting with others, or being unavailable because of work or family commitments," she says.
An adult with an anxious attachment style may become preoccupied with their relationship to the point of coming off as "clingy" or "needy." They often worry that their partner will leave or stop loving them. People with anxious attachment may also become manipulative when they feel that a relationship is threatened.
Both avoidant and anxious attachment are both insecure types of attachment. Just over 50% of people are securely attached to their partner. The securely attached are the least likely to be unfaithful as they do not worry about their partner straying or the strength of the relationship.