It's Okay to Cry: How to Embrace Crying and Your Feelings. Finally, remind yourself that crying at a funeral is a natural part of the grieving process. You're allowed to show your emotions, even if it feels awkward at first. In fact, some cultures include crying as part of the wake etiquette.
Not only is it okay to cry when someone dies, but it's also almost essential as an outlet to releasing pent-up emotion. Sometimes when someone dies, the urge to sob uncontrollably overcomes us, and we lose control over our emotional responses. Uncontrolled crying can happen when least expected.
It's not uncommon to not cry at funerals, even if you were very close to the deceased. This is because funerals are often a time for celebrating a life, rather than grieving a loss. There may also be a lot of people around who are emotional, which can make it difficult to express your own emotions.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
It can feel embarrassing and you might not understand why you feel so upset. Or you could be a close family member and find it annoying someone is crying loudly. Emotions can run high on the day but it's important to remember they're not always under someone's control at such a heightened time.
Professional mourning is brought up many times throughout the Bible.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
The worst things to say at a funeral
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
Blink your eyes and tilt your head back if you feel tears starting. Blinking several times when you feel tears starting to form, as well as tilting your head backwards, will help prevent the tears from falling. Blinking and tilting your head helps redistribute the tears so that you won't cry as easily.
Crying is our body's way of getting rid of toxins and our tears act as a release valve for stress, tension, depression and grief.
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.
You are not required to actually view the body at a funeral viewing. Many people are a bit uncomfortable with the idea of attending a viewing, but keep in mind that funeral viewing etiquette does not require you to actually look at or spend time with the deceased if you are not comfortable doing so.
The shortest funeral in the world occurred when Mary Desmond died early in 1920. Her family home stood up against the wall of the cemetery. Her funeral was on a bitter cold November day. The roads around her home were frozen over and the horse-drawn hearse couldn't make it.
If during the ceremony there has been a few laughs along the way, I often ask the guests to give the speakers a clap. It is a huge accomplishment for many speaker so thanking them in this way is appropriate. The celebrant has the ability to set the tone for the ceremony.
Being late is rude in any situation, but when it comes to a funeral, being late can be both incredibly disrespectful and disruptive. The last thing you want to do while others are grieving is to draw attention away from the service by arriving late. So plan ahead, and be on time. Or better yet, aim to get there early!
Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
If you are dreading the moment, you are not alone. You may have heard that public speaking, along with death, are mentioned by many as their biggest fears. So talking at a funeral, where the two come together, is a very brave act indeed!
While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.