6 to 10 Years of Age May accept the fact and finality of another person's death, but do not accept that it must happen to everyone, least of all themselves.
Children age 9-12: by age 10, the vast majority of children understand the finality, irreversibility, and nonfunctioning nature of death. They begin to develop a more sophisticated understanding of the causation, universality, and inevitability of death.
In stage 2 (ages 5-9), children begin to comprehend the finality of death, but believe that it happens only to other people.
Preschool. Preschool-aged children may begin to understand that death is something feared by adults. This age group may view death as temporary or reversible, as in cartoons.
Grief Response
They might worry about own health or fear bodily harm and death. Some children in this age group might act out their anger and sadness or be unable to concentrate at school. Still others might have a jocular or indifferent attitude about the death, or they might withdraw and hide their feelings.
Death is often explained to this age group as "went to heaven." Most children in this age group don't understand that death is permanent, that everyone and every living thing will eventually die, and that dead things don't eat, sleep, or breathe. Death should not be explained as "sleep."
Gently but directly, use the words 'dead' and 'died' within short explanations. Using euphuisms and vague language often creates fear in children. Phrases like “Passed away, gone to sleep, he's with grandma, lost their life” do not explain in concrete terms that their loved one has died.
10 to 12 Years of Age
Intellectually understand it to be final and irreversible. Further developing an acute sense of morality and may continue to view death as punishment.
Any death can be difficult for a child, and a wide range of emotional and behavioral responses are common including changes in sleeping pattern or appetite; sad, angry, or anxious feelings; social isolation; persistent thoughts about the death; or feeling the person's presence nearby.
What is Trauma? Trauma is an emotional response to a shocking, distressing event. Losing a child is one of the most traumatic events a parent can experience.
Help your child remember special things they have done. Talk about the friends, family, teachers, nurses, and others who will always remember them. Talk about your faith or other ideas about death and what happens afterward. Tell your child it is OK to die if you think it might help.
By middle age, one is exposed to the finality of life with death of parents, friends, and siblings. This being the period of highest death anxiety.
Middle Childhood: Although children in middle childhood begin to understand the finality of death, up until the age of 9 they may still participate in magical thinking and believe that through their thoughts they can bring someone back to life.
Children are able to begin understanding consequences around age 6 and are much better at it around age 13. Parents and caregivers need to adjust their expectations accordingly. And consequences should never be given to punish children for their decisions.
Studies have shown that kids are much more likely than adults to have physical pain and other body-based symptoms as part of their grief. This may be, in part, because it's harder for kids to put their feelings into words. Instead, they hold on to all those feelings inside, and they show up in other ways.
Accidents (unintentional injuries) are, by far, the leading cause of death among children and teens.
Losing A Partner May Be Hardest to Take
Indeed, the psychological distress scores of people who lost children more than doubled from 1.3 before the loss to 3.5 the year the child died. A score of 1 or 2 is normal for people who aren't under stress. A 12 indicates clinical depression.
Pale, bluish, mottled, or blotchy skin is common. This is from a decrease in oxygen and the body's circulation slowing down. Loss of bowel and urine control. . Mental confusion.
Give Children a Choice
Children should NEVER be forced to view or touch the body of someone who has died. They need to be given a choice that will be respected. If they are going to view the body, it is helpful to remind them that death is final and to describe ahead of time how the body might look.
The initial severe and intense grief you feel will not be continuous. Periods of intense grief often come and go over 18 months or longer. Over time, your grief may come in waves that are gradually less intense and less frequent. But you will likely always have some feelings of sadness and loss.
A simple biological explanation of death is helpful: the heart stops beating, the lungs do not work so the person cannot breathe, and their brain stops working. Referring to the body left as an empty shell can help them to understand that the person is no longer alive as they knew them.
Fear of death is common among children. In fact, most kids will experience fearful thoughts about death at some point in their lives. They may have a fear of dying themselves, or they may worry that their parents will die. They may even have fears about the family pet dying.