While it is sad to think about losing friends as we get older, losing friends in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and even 50s is perfectly normal. In fact, it's even regarded as healthy and shows that you're maturing. So when does this friend drop-off point occur? Studies show that we begin to lose friends in our mid-twenties.
As you grow older, you are more engaged in building your business, career and or taking care of your family and just can't see many of your friends as much as you used to anymore. That is completely normal and expected.
A 2016 study by Aalto University and the University of Oxford found social circles shrink significantly after age 25; people stop making new friends and start becoming distanced from the ones they have. Specifically, the study showed around age 25, the average person contacts between 17.5 and 19 people per month.
A recent study published by the Aalto University School of Science in Finland and Oxford University found that for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. Researchers call this a "peak" point, and as we get older, our group of contacts begin to drop.
The older we get, the fewer friends we have. According to a recent study by experts from Aalto University in Finland and the University of Oxford in England, our social network shrinks after we reach our mid-20s.
So what's the age when you should have your life together? According to a new survey, that age is 39. Well that's some great news!
But just because it's difficult to make friends after 30 doesn't mean it's impossible. While one 2020 study found that more than 3 in 5 Americans consider themselves lonely, citing a lack of social support and meaningful interactions as the main cause, it certainly doesn't have to be that way.
At any age there are going to be people in your area who are open to forming new friendships. Not everyone has had the same social circle for years and years and isn't interested in meeting anyone else. If you go on sites like Meetup.com you'll see people have created groups catering to all ages.
What he discovered was that only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion).
That's normal! As we've spoken about time and time again here at GenTwenty, your twenties are a time for growing and changing, and sometimes people can grow apart, whether that's because of something happening or just happening naturally.
Friends may come and go but if you find that more of them are leaving these days rather than staying, the problem may be something you are doing. While one or two friends might decide to move on for their own reasons, a habit of losing friends usually means you have a problem you haven't been real with yourself about.
When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
Some reasons why friendships do not last:
They feel taken advantage of. One friend always wants to choose what they do together. The friends are not honest about how they feel about something. The friends have a fight and they do not make up.
If your friend doesn't respect your feelings, it's an unhealthy relationship. Feeling anxious or negative in your friendship is a sign that it may be best to end it. Your friend is dishonest or holds back information. “Deep connections require trust,” Schmitt says.
If you notice yourself revisiting past topics, words, behaviors, habits, actions, or thought processes when around an old friend, you might have outgrown that younger version of you. You may even feel awkward or uncomfortable as you try to pretend to be interested in past topics that used to bind you together.
Article content. In your 30s and 40s, a small, tight-knit group is optimal. Having three to five close friends allows for paired activities (tandem biking, charades), as well as intimate group outings (movie nights, wine tastings, group discount rates).
Obviously, most people don't meet all of their friends during childhood and, unfortunately, not all friendships last forever. The poll found that the average friendship lasts for 17 years, however, 17 percent say they've had the same best friend for over 30 years!
The most significant factors in ending a friendship were discovered to be, broadly, selfishness, being more likely to end friendships with those who looked after their own interest, were not supportive of them, were dishonest, and were taking without giving, among the prime reasons.
Some friendships end with a mutual decision, some end with a disagreement, and some just sort of fade out. Each type of ending can be painful in its own way, even if you're the one who ended the friendship.
Making friends takes emotional, and sometimes physical, effort. As we age, making those efforts become increasingly important but may be harder to pull off. It is important to believe that new friends can always be made. People with friendships live longer, happier, and healthier lives.
Proximity is the first to go.
As adulthood takes over, you become more focused on your career and family. You move to a different city for work or a better school district for your kids. You leave your friends behind to focus on your new priorities. Healthy social networks require attention.
All you need is three (or four, or five)
Out of dozens of connections, the number of close friendships people have, Dunbar found, is five. Similarly, a 2020 study found that having three to five close friends is enough to feel fulfilled.
In general, having no friends is relatively normal. A February 2021 report found that 36% of Americans felt serious loneliness and a 2019 report showed that 1 in 5 people had no friends. If you have no friends, you are not alone. However, having no friends can lead to loneliness for some people.
People need at least a little human contact in order to thrive, and true isolation can take a toll on your overall well-being. If you're not totally isolated, though, and your lack of friends doesn't trouble you, it can be perfectly fine to be satisfied with your own company.
Some aspects of dating in your 30s make the process harder—such as a shrinking candidate pool. You can no longer meet potential partners at school and probably aren't attending parties and social gatherings as often. These are hot spots for fresh encounters.