Having a crush on someone else when you're married doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It also is not a reflection of your marriage. Believe it or not, having a crush may not mean anything at all. In fact, people in happy, healthy, committed relationships can still develop fluttery feelings for attractive others.
Yes, crushes are completely normal and very common among people in relationships. "You're married, not dead," jokes marriage counselor Rachel Wright, LMFT.
The majority of married men flirt to feed their desire of being wanted. Even though he's married, he wants confirmation that he's still attractive, not just within his married life. He wants and needs a boost to his self-esteem, ego, and confidence. It may be that he doesn't feel wanted or desired by his wife.
It's completely normal to develop crushes on other people, even if you're married, engaged, or dating! One study even suggested that 98% of men and 80% of women have fantasized about someone other than their partner in the two months leading up to the study (Cheney, 2020).
Expressing a romantic or sexual interest towards a person outside of your marriage is not only inappropriate flirting, but disrespectful. The spouse typically sees it this way unless you're in an open relationship in which seeking other partners is agreed upon as acceptable.
Acknowledge and face your feelings
But as disturbing as they are, it is vital to first face them and then accept them in their entirety, with as little self-judgment as possible. Don't belittle yourself for having such feelings—remind yourself that all emotions and feelings are part of our human experience.
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends and co-workers.
A married man flirting may just be having fun, or he may enjoy being found attractive and get a boost to his self-esteem in the process. He may also be simply seeking to manipulate the relationship toward a non-sexual goal, such as conforming to a permissive work environment or securing a political ally.
If a married man likes you more than a friend, he'll typically find ways to be closer to you physically. He may tilt his head sideways as he thinks about what you're saying or find reasons to make physical contact, such as touching your hand, bumping your shoulder, or even patting you on the back.
Sexual Compatibility
Sexual compatibility is one of the top reasons a man chooses a woman over another. Many men prefer a woman that matches their sexual styles. These styles may include her moves, the way she kisses, the way she dresses, and so on. Understand that she might not even be as beautiful as you are.
However, one of the signs an affair is turning into love is when you contact them more often than usual. You are missing the person with whom you are having an affair and you want to know how they are doing. At this point, you are already emotionally attached to them, and you can't do without communicating with them.
Many men, pursue someone who they can have innocent fun with to boost their self-esteem or simply to get a thrill. Another reason you might notice the signs a married man is pursuing you is because they want their partner to appreciate them more. While this might sound manipulative, it can also be a subconscious drive.
Emotional behaviours and inclinations
According to Ken Munyua, a Nairobi-based psychologist, men can have a sense of attachment and commitment to more than one romantic partner, which they will define as love. “A man may be able to emotionally commit and attach himself to two women at the same time.
Is it okay for a married man to text another woman? Yes, as long as they're just friends. Your husband might occasionally text a female friend or coworker of his, which is fine! If the messages are friendly check-ins or chatter about the office, you don't have anything to worry about.
An affair will last as long as it suits its purpose, and no longer. Some affairs last only a couple hours, while others can last a lifetime. Most affairs come to light one way or another, which can cut them short or – if the cheated spouse agrees to let the cheater continue for reasons of their own – extend them.
Flirting crosses the line when the actions becomes covert or so emotionally connected that you pursue said behavior over furthering your committed relationship.
For some, flirting can be deemed cheating when one partner is overly friendly with someone else, especially if this breaks previously agreed upon rules. For others, flirting is considered crossing the line into cheating when it risks turning into a physical or emotional affair.
If your husband is so keen on flirting with others, then try flirting with your husband instead. Don't give him the chance to go after others. Enchant him with your ways, words and actions. Bring that spark back into your marriage.
Loved-up couples be warned: September has been named the month when affairs are most likely to begin. Overtaking January as the biggest month for infidelity, new research has found those looking to stray are more likely to start an affair in September than any other time of the year.
Yet, most affairs usually end one of two ways: with divorce or a stronger current relationship. How the end plays out is up to you, how you choose to react, and how hard you want to work to stay together. Learning how to overcome grief and pain is going to be difficult, but Couples Academy can help.
“Findings indicate that while affairs do tend to make respondents happy, a number of factors influence perception of life satisfaction during an affair, including a belief that an outside partner is required to remain in a primary partnership, a desire to remain in the primary partnership, at least biweekly sexual ...