People with borderline personality disorder can be very effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very intense, for many people this does take some work.
Parents with BPD may physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse their children. Neglect is also highly pervasive, and children often feel unsafe in their own homes. Complex trauma, or repeated and compounded childhood trauma, is a key risk factor for complex PTSD.
Unpredictable love - BPD parents may have difficulty providing children with a consistent feeling of being loved. Feeling threatened by a child's normal behavior - BPD parents may have difficulty allowing children to be angry with them without retaliating.
Someone suffering from BPD may feel easily overwhelmed and exhausted. You might be doubting your ability to raise a child if you can't even take care of yourself. However, many people with BPD become highly functional parents.
The children of parents with BPD are at risk of poorer outcomes in terms of their own mental health, educational outcomes and wellbeing. The challenges of being a parent can also exacerbate the symptoms of those with BPD traits.
By an average age of about 40, the divorce rate for people with BPD is around 35%, and this is comparable to the divorce rate for the average U.S. citizen. However, people with BPD are far less likely to remarry after a divorce.
Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPDs) become overwhelmed and incapacitated by the intensity of their emotions, whether it is joy and elation or depression, anxiety, and rage. They are unable to manage these intense emotions.
Many people with BPD thrive in creative roles which allow them to continually work on new projects. Creative career paths include copywriting, graphic design, photography, set design and video editing.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or those with BPD who may not even know they have it, are more likely than the general population to be verbally, emotionally/psychologically, physically abusive.
What is the effect of BPD on family members? Family members often feel mystified and exhausted by their relative's illness. The intense mood swings and anger outbursts can be frightening and disruptive. Impulsive acting out in areas such as spending, substance abuse, or sex can be a major source of marital conflict.
Environmental factors
being exposed to long-term fear or distress as a child. being neglected by 1 or both parents. growing up with another family member who had a serious mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or a drink or drug misuse problem.
Feel More Childlike, than Adult—Many clients with BPD report that even when they are competently dealing with adult responsibilities, they feel as if they are really still children or teens. They wish that some “real” adult will come along and take care of them.
Mothers with BPD may oscillate between over-involved, intrusive behaviors and withdrawn, avoidant behaviors. These behaviors may also manifest as oscillations between hostile control and coldness.
A BPD mother's symptoms will affect how she interacts with her children. Mothers with BPD can seem unloving, withholding, and negative. Their behavior may be unpredictable and their children may feel like they have to “walk on eggshells” to prevent their mothers from having mood swings.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder have a reduced life expectancy of some 20 years, attributable largely to physical health maladies, notably cardiovascular. Risk factors include obesity, sedentary lifestyle, poor diet and smoking.
BPD in particular is one of the lesser-known mental illnesses, but all the same it is one of the hardest to reckon with. (Some people dislike the term so much they prefer to refer to emotionally unstable personality disorder.)
With treatment, medication, and counselling, most individuals suffering from BPD can build a life worth living but the dynamics of the illness make emotion dysregulation a reoccurring obstacle that can sometimes cause major setbacks (legal issues, loss of sobriety, physical injury, etc.)
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
The symptoms of BPD are very broad, and some can be similar to or overlap with other mental health problems, such as: Bipolar disorder. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) Depression.
The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. In other words, they're not about you. When your loved one does or says something hurtful towards you, understand that the behavior is motivated by the desire to stop the pain they are experiencing; it's rarely deliberate.
Yes, it is possible. Living with BPD doesn't mean you can't establish stable and healthy relationships. Still, relationships are a significant challenge to most people with BPD. These challenges can be managed, typically with professional support.
Ending a Relationship
Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur. This network often includes a mental health professional.
People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love. Unstable emotions often lead to unstable relationships, while black-and-white thinking may make a person with BPD push people away when there is evidence their partner has flaws.