Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
Although manipulation has ceased to be a recognized symptom of BPD, persons with this disorder are still often perceived as using manipulative strategies to ensure that their needs are met. This becomes evident from even cursory online research on the diagnosis.
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways. This emotional volatility can cause turmoil in their relationships and stress for family members, partners, and friends.
Things like “splitting,” experiencing intense emotions or mood swings and dissociation are mainstays for many folks with BPD — but they aren't the only ways it can manifest. Sometimes BPD can make people do things that are often described (and misunderstood) as being “impolite.”
Most people with EUPD/BPD aren't manipulative - but often those around us can be. Maddi Crease writes that a pervasive misconception about people who have emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) is that they easily manipulate those around them.
People with BPD can be very direct and honest people, and while it does not always feel that way to them and others, they are often well equipped to handle challenges in life. Myth #6: People with BPD are dramatic attention-seekers.
Because of these extreme patterns of thinking, people with borderline personality disorder are prone to slip from one side to the opposite side in their thinking. For example, they might one day believe their partner is the most wonderful, loving person in the world.
Also, the inability to self-soothe can lead to impulsive, reckless behavior. People with BPD are often on edge. They have high distress and anger levels, so they may be easily offended.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
For both loved ones, and indeed those with BPD a toxic relational dynamic emerges and is repeated in cyclical and patterned ways. This toxic relational dynamic revolves around the punishment and revenge sought by those who have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Common triggers of BPD rage can include: Emotionally challenging situations that seem threatening. Situations where the person fears abandonment. BPD splitting, which is a type of black-and-white thinking where people see things as either all-good or all-bad.
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
It is now universally recognized by mental health professionals as a debilitating illness that affects every aspect of a person's life. Borderline personality disorder causes a broad range of reactions that can be considered self-destructive or self-sabotaging.
The Victim
Individuals with BPD often feel helpless, hopeless, powerless, and ashamed. When in this state of mind, they may adopt a passive role and draw in others to make decisions for them and support them.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
For example, studies show that men with BPD are more likely to exhibit paranoid, passive-aggressive, narcissistic, or sadistic symptoms. It would, however, be inaccurate to claim that all people with borderline personality disorder are sadistic.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
How to Deal with Being a “Favorite Person” for Someone with BPD. As a favorite person, you'll be expected to provide near-constant companionship, reassurance, and guidance, which is daunting and taxing. It's important to note that while “favorite-person” relationships can be unhealthy, they're not doomed to fail.
It's one of the ironies of this condition because BPD patients desperately want to trust others but are scared to do so. “They look for any little signal – that someone else will hurt, disappoint, or leave them. Eventually their relationships unravel,” Dr. Oldham saod.
People who suffer from BPD show erratic mood-swings and find it difficult to trust and understand the motives of others. As a result, they suffer from fraught personal relationships with friends, colleagues and partners.