Dating when you have trauma can be challenging, but not impossible. Your dating difficulties are not caused by something about you that's permanently flawed. If you've experienced trauma, being vulnerable in relationships reveals the old wounds that never healed.
Being in a relationship with someone who has a trauma history can be uniquely challenging at times. In many cases, individuals who experience trauma may behave in ways that are hard for their partner to understand.
Living through traumatic events may result in expectations of danger, betrayal, or potential harm within new or old relationships. Survivors may feel vulnerable and confused about what is safe, and therefore it may be difficult to trust others, even those whom they trusted in the past.
Many trauma survivors do not develop PTSD. Also, many people with PTSD do not have relationship problems. People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by: Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships.
Relationships are complicated, and sometimes, the situation calls for maintaining a relationship with a person who caused trauma. Consider doing so only after you know you can be physically safe. And remember, if the situation gets worse, don't hesitate to do what you need to do to maintain safety.
Challenging feelings & beliefs
Your partner may experience bouts of intense sadness, guilt, anger, or shame related to a past traumatic event. They may believe that there's nowhere safe for them to be, even when there's no direct or real threat in front of them.
Communication pitfalls to avoid
Stop your loved one from talking about their feelings or fears. Offer unsolicited advice or tell your loved one what they “should” do. Blame all of your relationship or family problems on your loved one's PTSD. Invalidate, minimize, or deny your loved one's traumatic experience.
If you're a survivor of trauma, you can have great relationships too. There are a lot of quotes out there about how you can't love someone else until you love yourself or that you have to be ready to have a relationship, but that's not the truth.
Love is one of the most elemental of emotions. It is a building block of some of our deepest relationships and a component in many of our happiest days. Yet the ability to freely give and receive love is a fragile skill, which traumatic experiences can all too easily dent or damage.
People who have survived trauma often continue to live normal lives, but the effects of trauma may impact mood, motivation and relationships. It's normal to experience some changes after a distressing and uncontrollable event, and it's important to know when to seek supportive trauma treatment.
Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you. They are, in essence, lighting up old wounds within you. Sorry to break the news, but chemistry isn't always a good thing.
It's possible to create a healthy relationship with someone living with PTSD, and like all relationships, patience, understanding, compassion, and clear communication are key.
Traumatic events, on the other hand, can create the most complex and difficult cases of intimacy avoidance. And a few examples of these events include the following: Physical or sexual abuse. Verbal abuse.
In fact, some studies have called the therapeutic relationship the most important factor in healing. And, as clinically trained, trauma-informed therapists, we wholeheartedly agree. We've seen it action many times over the years. It's why connection sits at the heart of what we do here at Mindful Synergi .
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
Trauma survivors with PTSD show social interaction and relationship impairments. It is hypothesized that traumatic experiences lead to known PTSD symptoms, empathic ability impairment, and difficulties in sharing affective, emotional, or cognitive states.
Posttraumatic stress disorder after the intense stress is a risk of development enduring personality changes with serious individual and social consequences.
Much like love bombing, trauma bonds can give the resemblance of love. They're often confused for love because of the trying nature, and when you love someone, you do try. Trauma bond relationships are driven by fear, not love, which is the biggest differentiator between trauma bonds and love.
There are degrees of trauma. It can be emotional, mental, physical or sexual. It can occur once, or repeatedly. However, it is possible to fully recover from any traumatic experience or event; it may take a long time, but in the end, living free from the symptoms of trauma is worth every step of the journey.
There are absolutely health impacts from unresolved trauma. Unresolved trauma puts people at increased risk for mental health diagnoses, which run the gamut of anxiety, depression and PTSD. There are physical manifestations as well, such as cardiovascular problems like high blood pressure, stroke or heart attacks.
Cognitive Signs of Unhealed Trauma
You may experience nightmares or flashbacks that take you back to the traumatic event. Furthermore, you may struggle with mood swings, as well as disorientation and confusion, which can make it challenging to perform daily tasks.
Symptoms of PTSD
They are easily startled. They have unusual angry outbursts. They seem anxious or depressed, especially in ways that directly relate to the trauma. For example, a survivor of sexual assault might be more anxious or depressed about sexual activity in the relationship.
Being the partner of someone who has PTSD can be challenging — and frustrating — for many reasons. You want to take away their pain, but you're also dealing with your own guilt at needing to care for yourself, too.