Few problems in a marriage cause as much heartache and deep pain as infidelity. When both spouses are committed to healing and rebuilding the relationship, though, many marriages survive. In some cases, they may even become stronger, with deeper levels of intimacy.
Relationships can survive infidelity if both individuals are willing to do the work of processing their emotions and thoughts with the goal of healing from the infidelity together. Moving past infidelity takes time and patience, but healing can result in greater growth and resilience for the couple.
While there are many marriages that end up in divorce because of a long-term affair, there are also marriages that have survived multiple instances of infidelity. There are relationships that have been strengthened because of an affair.
Before you decide to have an affair, examine the issue from all sides and determine whether the potential benefits outweigh the risks and what you stand to lose. Cheating rarely ends well. Only 5% to 7% of affairs result in a marriage—and roughly 75% of the unions that started as affairs end as divorces.
Affairs can take on any number of variations, from serial cheating to the one-night stand, to a long-term relationship outside of marriage that can last from six months to two years, or even longer. No matter the duration, all of these instances have an underlying cause of dissatisfaction and personal crisis.
The highest divorce rate, at a whopping 80%, is linked to those marriages where one or both partners have a secret affair that they never own up to. On the flip-side, only 43% of these marriages, roughly half of the above figure, end in divorce when the unfaithful partner comes forward with their indiscretion.
Sometimes, an affair ends when one (or both) of the partners decides that the affair has become more trouble than it is worth. They may then choose to break the affair off. In some instances, the affair is somehow discovered by the betrayed spouse, and this may bring a halt to the relationship.
Yes, it is possible for someone to fall in love with an affair partner, although it can be a complicated and emotionally fraught experience. These relationships have trust issues due to how they began. In order to make the relationships work, the couple needs to work diligently at trust.
Women are most likely to cheat on their spouse in years 6-10 of their marriage, while men are more likely to cheat after year 11 of their marriage. (There's even a day of the week when someone is more likely to cheat.) The factors that played the largest role in cheating were gender, religiosity, and marriage length.
An affair can become long-lasting love when both parties are in love and are ready to do right by each other. This often happens when the person being cheated with seems to outperform the present partner. You might get confused if you are really in love or not.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
My strong opinion is that a person cannot make a wise and thoughtful decision about much of anything when they are having an affair. I am well aware that the euphoric state cannot just be turned off like a bath faucet, so telling a person to end the affair and expect that to happen is a fool's game.
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one's partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
For men, the peak age for cheating is 55 years old.
After those ages the likelihood of infidelity tends to decline.
Supporting data from the IFS 1990s survey also says that men have always been more inclined to cheat than women. But during this period, older men have the same tendency to cheat as their younger peers. The survey says that infidelity among men peaked at the age of 50 to 59 (31%).
Affairs are addictive and there is a reason why, when someone gets involved and makes those choices, it is hard to get out,” she explained. “It is because you get chemically addicted, there are dopamine hits that happen in your brain that makes them addicted to this person.”
Johns Hopkins University. "Married people who cheat don't often regret it: Infidelity survey reveals little remorse, high rates of satisfaction." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 22 May 2023.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
The Difference With Why People Cheat in Happy Relationships
When people are happy in their relationship, it's less likely that the partner who is cheating has fallen out of love with their partner. Rather they're newly in love with the free, risk-taking, adventurous person they become when they're having the affair.
Furthermore, people who cheated on a spouse or partner will often seek to cheat again. On average, affairs usually end within 6 months to 2 years.
Surprisingly, these full-blown affairs almost never start at a bar or club. Instead, they usually begin in much more wholesome environments: The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin.
You'll recognize the signs and be able to navigate out of it easier. The statistics show most affairs will run its course and will (usually) fizzle out within 6-24 months, no matter how unique the affair partners think their relationship is.