Just because one partner has ADHD doesn't mean you can't have a balanced, mutually fulfilling relationship. The key is to learn to work together as a team. A healthy relationship involves give and take, with both individuals participating fully in the partnership and looking for ways to support each other.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
People with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) have trouble controlling emotions and moods. If we don't understand how our emotions affect our lives, and we don't have ways to rein them in, our days can turn into a roller-coaster ride.
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions more deeply than other kids do. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the feelings of joy and excitement can be even more intense for them. Teens might feel a deep sense of intimacy and acceptance, perhaps for the first time.
Living with ADHD is about monitoring your symptoms and actively working toward finding what works best for you. With the right support and treatment, you can create a life that allows you to reach your greatest potential.
These may include hyperfocus, resilience, creativity, conversational skills, spontaneity, and abundant energy. Many people view these benefits as “superpowers” because those with ADHD can hone them to their advantage. People with ADHD have a unique perspective that others may find interesting and valuable.
Some people with ADD/ADHD also have trouble maintaining everyday relationships. They often quickly become bored with their romantic partner. When the rush of new love wears off, boredom sets in, they end the relationship and seek out someone new.
As we've discussed, unfortunately, many people with ADHD tend to have a lack of empathy. This can be addressed, though, through identifying and communicating about each other's feelings.
For those of us with ADHD, traits like rejection sensitive dysphoria, big feelings, and obsessive thinking prolong and worsen the pain of a breakup. After a heavy dose of heartache, I'm here to share my tips for moving on. Breakups cut deep in the ADHD heart.
People who have ADHD frequently experience emotions so deeply that they become overwhelmed or “flooded.” They may feel joy, anger, pain, or confusion in a given situation—and the intensity may precede impulsive behaviors they regret later.
Children and adults with ADHD were found to have lower ability in recognizing emotions from mimics and sounds, have more aggressive behavior, lower frustration tolerance and impaired self-control.
Symptoms of ADHD that can cause relationship problems
If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don't remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one.
If that felt like a personal call-out, you're not alone. It's a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts.
More often than not, adults with ADHD struggle in long term relationships and, sadly, over time the chances of divorce increase far more rapidly for those with ADHD in their relationship than for those who don't have it.
Can someone with ADHD fall in love? While all kinds of people can fall in love, the experience of people with ADHD falling in love can be more intense for them. This is because the person with ADHD can hyperfocus on the person they are in love with.
Lack of consistency. Toxic communication — such as contempt, criticism, and sarcasm. Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc.
Most adults with ADHD don't know how to express feelings. Some of us have learned to sublimate our emotions, because we think we are unacceptable, but unexpressed feeling finds a way to let us know it is there. Sometimes it presents as physical symptoms, like a headache or an upset stomach.
For many people affected by ADHD, key symptoms like inattention, forgetfulness, and disorganization negatively affect their relationships. The partners without ADHD can misinterpret their partners' intentions, resulting in increased frustration and resentment.
A rush of biochemical euphoria comes with “new love.” Those of us with ADHD often hyperfocus on romance, not just for the sake of romance, but also to increase those pleasure-producing neurotransmitters (dopamine) that are in short supply in our brains. Highly charged emotions are not part of lasting love.
ADHD can make you feel angry or lonely. These emotions may feel draining and sap your interest in sex. Symptoms of ADHD can also cause relationship issues that make it harder for you and your partner to enjoy intimacy. For example, mood swings may make you more prone to arguing.
“The hardest thing about ADHD is that it's 'invisible' to outsiders. It's not like other conditions that people can clearly see. People just assume that we are not being good parents and that our child is a brat, when they don't have an idea how exhausted we truly are.” —Sara C.
Examples of common ADHD texting challenges:
Misunderstandings from non-verbal cues. Lack of facial expressions causes misinterpretations. Forgetting to check or reply to messages. Perfectionism; overthinking your texts, sometimes erasing them completely.