Understanding ADHD Relationships ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
For many people affected by ADHD, key symptoms like inattention, forgetfulness, and disorganization negatively affect their relationships. The partners without ADHD can misinterpret their partners' intentions, resulting in increased frustration and resentment.
If you have ADHD, you might find it hard to date, make friends, or parent. That's partly because good relationships require you to be aware of other people's thoughts and feelings. But ADHD can make it hard for you to pay attention or react the right way.
Many people with ADHD, however, are able to form close relationships with others. Explaining symptoms to loved ones, developing coping mechanisms, and seeking therapy to improve social skills can all help those with ADHD make up for social deficits and cultivate meaningful connections.
Symptoms of ADHD that can cause relationship problems
If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don't remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one. Forgetfulness.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
Being in a relationship with a partner who has ADHD can be great–especially if you have the tools to support each other well. If there are clear boundaries set, you know the expectations of the relationship, and are aware of each other's quirks, these relationships can be quite fulfilling and meaningful.
Misunderstandings and miscommunications can create problems in any relationship, but communication difficulties commonly show up in relationships affected by ADHD. A lack of clear communication can make it challenging to understand each other's perspectives, leading you into a cycle of conflict.
Intense emotions and hyperfocus
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions more deeply than other kids do. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the feelings of joy and excitement can be even more intense for them. Teens might feel a deep sense of intimacy and acceptance, perhaps for the first time.
Falling in Love with ADHD
It's true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet.
Can someone with ADHD fall in love? While all kinds of people can fall in love, the experience of people with ADHD falling in love can be more intense for them. This is because the person with ADHD can hyperfocus on the person they are in love with.
Partners diagnosed with ADHD share many of the same frustrations as their non-ADHD counterparts. They feel misunderstood and unloved. They get angry when their partners criticize them a lot. They worry when their relationship breaks down because of their disorganization and distractibility.
Attention deficit symptoms
People with ADHD may have difficulty maintaining positive relationships with family and friends. They may have more relationship problems with their partner or spouse and are more likely to be divorced than someone without ADHD.
People with ADHD may find it harder to be intimate with someone due to symptoms such as impulsiveness and being easily distracted. Sex may be less enjoyable for both partners. For the partner with ADHD, they aren't able to fully focus on either the physical or emotional aspects of sex.
Adult ADHD can tear a marriage apart. But with love, understanding, and the right treatment, most marriages affected by adult ADHD can become the loving bonds they started out as, and are meant to be.
Divorce and ADHD. Estimates vary, but some studies suggest that the divorce rate among couples touched by ADHD is as much as twice that of the general population.
One of the things Tuckman's survey revealed was that persons with ADHD were more likely to have participated in both consensual non-monogamy (i.e., being in some kind of sexually open relationship) and non-consensual non-monogamy (i.e., cheating or infidelity).
This dynamic is worse if the partner with ADHD is undiagnosed and not in treatment. Still, treatment may not even be enough to curb anger and resentment. The longer that problems are left to continue in a relationship, the higher the likelihood of a breakup.
The impact of adult ADHD on marriages can be terrible for couples with one or more partners with the condition. Research suggests that the marital “maladjustment” rate may be close to 60%. Statistics on the divorce rate for those with ADHD vary, seemingly depending upon the age of the respondents in the study.
Studies show that marriages in which one or both partners have ADHD are more than twice as likely to divorce and had briefer marriages prior to divorce.
But girls with ADHD usually turn their pain and anger inward. This puts girls at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Girls with undiagnosed ADHD are also more likely to have problems in school, social settings, and personal relationships than other girls.