Many people who live with borderline personality disorder don't know they have it and may not realize there's a healthier way to behave and relate to others.
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
But people with BPD often have a very profound lack of sense of self, or loss of identity. 1 If you struggle with the feeling that you have no idea who you are or what you believe in, this may be a symptom you can relate to.
Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways.
Someone with BPD may go to great lengths to feel something, as well as becoming increasingly withdrawn and avoidant during an episode. Paranoid thoughts of everyone being out to get them and hating them are also common during these times. Episodes can also be extreme highs, bursts of euphoria and positive emotions.
The Connection Between BPD and Lying
Lying, like other signs and symptoms of the condition, tends to occur because the person with BPD is unable to regulate their feelings and impulses. It's an act borne out of pain and fear. Often, people with BPD even believe their own lies.
Whereas the typical presentation of BPD involves angry outbursts and obvious and outward self destructiveness, those with quiet BPD have internalized emotional episodes2 (they turn their anger inward). For this reason, quiet BPD tends to go undiagnosed or is misdiagnosed.
Fact: People with BPD are capable of giving and receiving love. People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love.
Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPDs) become overwhelmed and incapacitated by the intensity of their emotions, whether it is joy and elation or depression, anxiety, and rage. They are unable to manage these intense emotions.
Unstable sense of self, which may involve frequent shifts in goals, values, and career plans. Frequently changing your feelings toward other people. Feeling like you don't exist. Frequent feelings of emptiness or boredom.
Persistently unable to form a stable self-image or sense of self. Drastically impulsive in at least two possibly self-damaging areas (substance abuse, reckless driving, disordered eating, sex). Self-harming or suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats. Instability often brought on by reactivity of mood (ex.
“People with BPD lie often, but it is not because they are pathological liars,” says Nikki Instone, Ph. D. “Lying is not a symptom of the disorder so much as a consequence of their internal battle.” Lying is really rooted in emotional dysregulation, which is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
One of the experiences of interacting with individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (BP/NP) is that they sometimes do not seem truly sorry. Even though a BP/NP may say he or she is sorry, there may be something lacking.
What others perceive as a simple mistake to be brushed off, people with BPD might perceive as a serious wrongdoing. You might hold onto a grudge for days, or until the person has apologized sufficiently.
A person with borderline personality disorder may use splitting in the following ways: People will be seen as 'perfect' or 'evil' Something will 'always' or 'never' go right. Someone will 'always' or 'never' be loving.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves. The victim of gaslighting often asks “what did I do?” and finds themselves eventually questioning and second guessing everything they do.
While these symptoms are common with BPD, quiet BPD manifests differently. With quiet BPD, you'll likely try to hide these symptoms from others, resulting in intense periods of anger, guilt, or shame directed toward yourself. You may hide impulsive behaviors or try to repress your moods.
There may well be some individuals with BPD who are genuinely manipulative or sadistic, especially those who are very strong narcissistic traits. BPDs have very complex needs, as well as very complex maladaptive coping strategies — and manipulation is one of them.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.