Toxic love can exist in nearly any situation in which you have formed a relationship or bond with another. You can distinguish healthy vs toxic relationships everywhere.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
In true love, there is comfort in separate interests. We can have our own friends and meaningful relationships outside of our romantic relationships. We can pursue interests and ideas without fear of reprimand. On the other hand, in toxic love, there is total involvement in one another's lives.
In a toxic relationship, both people develop unhealthy behaviors and treat each other disrespectfully. While one person in the relationship may engage in more toxic behaviors than the other, they don't exert overwhelming control over the other person.
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.
Although it's not true that too much love will kill you, it can lead to unhealthy—and at times damaging—dynamics between partners. For example, love may cause obsessive or controlling behaviors in some cases. You may also reach a point where your needs go unmet because you're so focused on your partner's needs.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else's fault.
If you feel safe doing so, consider what breaking up or taking a break might mean to you or the relationship. Unhealthy relationships can heal, but they require work that partners should be prepared to do. Connect with friends and loved ones, and remember the support you have from relationships that build you up.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
In that case, you may want to start thinking about limiting contact with that person and having a digital detox. Also, you may want to start looking for activities that may allow you to rebuild your life and regain your sense of self after going through a toxic relationship.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
Lying, cheating, jealousy, and disrespect are signs of an unhealthy relationship. So is trying to control a partner. That includes: keeping track of where they are and who they hang out with.
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did. Recognizing this process takes time and cutting yourself a little slack when it comes to self-judgment is key.”
Many people who behave in a toxic manner have been through trauma themselves, and instead of dealing with that trauma, these people start exhibiting toxic traits. These people usually don't know how to process trauma and stress in a healthy manner, so they end up being unpleasant around people.
Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.
Toxic people prey on your insecurities – they'll make you feel good about yourself while also pulling you down, so they can feel good about themselves. This helps them control you – the constant praising you and then criticizing you helps them brainwash you, so you never know which way is up.
Lack of control
People who are in an unhealthy relationship frequently attempt to end it. But they don't in the end. It occurs because some people have low self-esteem and, due to that, they believe they have no control over relationships and situations. As a result, people choose to stay rather than leave.
Toxic relationships have three main stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. "Love-bombing" occurs during the idealizing phase. During the devaluing phase, you are picked apart. During the discarding phase, there may be an attempt to suck you back into the relationship.
Toxic relationships are addictive.
The frustration-attraction you feel is very real, and each time you have any interaction with this person, it strengthens your connection to them versus wanting you to leave them.
Attachment can become toxic if you rely too much on others to satisfy emotional needs. The goal of healthy emotional attachment is finding a balance between getting your emotional needs met by yourself and by others. Find a supportive therapist that can help with anxiety.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.