If a temporary separation is done in the right way and for the right reasons, and there are clear agreements, it can help couples gain perspective on their relationship and actually strengthen it.
According to experts, spending time away from the partner can take the stress away, reduce friction and bring excitement in relationships. "For a healthy relationship, it's imperative that couples have as much of 'me-time' as 'we-time'.
A separation can strengthen a marriage if it's done for the right reasons and if there are clear agreements from the start. Elements of a successful separation that enhances a relationship include getting third-party support and maintaining regular communication.
If a couple must stay apart, it shouldn't be for more than six months or maximum one year. During this period, conscious and sustained efforts must be made to manage the issues which distance breeds like loneliness, non-frequent sex, lack of emotional and physical support.
For a growing number of couples, though, living apart together (LAT) is way more romantic than sharing a bedroom, a bathroom, and a permanent address. Having separate addresses, for some, is the secret to a long and happy (and healthy) marriage.
Coan advises every couple to adhere to the 70/30 rule: For the happiest, most harmonious relationship, the pro suggests spending 70% of time together, and 30% apart. That gives each of you enough freedom to explore your own interests while still being rooted and invested in your relationship.
The Office of National Statistics for Britain claim three in twenty people aged 16 to 59 are enjoying both love and independent living arrangements.In fact, those that opt for loving separately find that their relationships improve drastically when each person has his own independent space in which to live.
A legal separation can be reversed whereas a divorce cannot. If you have young children, you may wish to keep the family together legally for their sake. If you're not 100% sure you want to end your marriage, a legal separation can give you space to figure things out while still protecting you financially.
While some divorces are necessary, many marriages can be repaired. It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who can manage to stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who divorce.
Some couples don't want to get divorced for religious reasons, personal beliefs, or financial reasons. For example, they stay married to keep a spouse or domestic partner on an insurance or benefit plan. Sometimes a spouse files a legal separation because they don't yet qualify for a divorce.
The absence, they say, helps them to appreciate their partner more and makes the relationship stronger. In fact, people in long-distance relationships tend to maintain their relationships longer, be less likely to break up, and be more in love and satisfied than people in geographically close relationships.
Many still believe that if they have been separated the fact that they have had sexual intercourse or a sexual encounter with someone else does not count. The answer is regardless of whether the sexual encounter happened after separation or not, the parties are still married.
According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.
Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction decreased slightly for couples with age gaps of 4 to 6 years and continued to decrease for couples with an age gap of 7 or more years.
Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately.
Ideally, psychologists recommend that a trial separation last no more than three to six months. The longer you spend apart from your spouse, the harder it will be for you to get back together.
Coming Together After a Legal Separation
According to U.S. statistics, 87 percent of couples who legally separate eventually get a divorce, while only 13 percent choose to come back together.
The study found that on average unhappily married adults who divorced were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married when rated on any of 12 separate measures of psychological well-being. Divorce did not typically reduce symptoms of depression, raise self-esteem, or increase a sense of mastery.
The Pros of a Legal Separation
Avoiding divorce (if you have religious objections) while still parting from your spouse; Having the ability to test out living separately without the finality of a divorce; and. Being able to stay on your spouse's health insurance after parting ways.
Statistically, 80% of couples who enter a marital separation end up divorcing. And, on average, they remain separated for three years before finalizing their divorce. On the other hand, 10% of those who separate end up reuniting, on average within two years.
It's the opposite of codependency and collapsing on your partner.” Living apart together can make it easier to find breathing space in a relationship, but sustaining a support network, and pursuing outside interests can create the same sense of space and individuation in a cohabiting dynamic.
The partner who wants to leave the marriage can:
Give the transition process the time it deserves. Honor their partner and their boundaries, allowing for honest, non-defensive communication. Plug into community support.
Anything from one week to a month should be enough time for one or both parties to determine whether they should stay together. “You may decide halfway through the agreed upon time that you want to be with that person, but you should respect the time frame,” Edwards says.