Although child abuse and trauma can have distressing lifelong effects, this does not cause someone to abuse their partner later in life. Surviving child abuse or witnessing domestic violence as a child does not ultimately determine that someone will become an abuser themselves.
However, in some cases, the feelings or social side effects associated with victimhood – such as emotional support, sympathy, or indeed attention from friends and loved ones – can manifest themselves into a repeat behavior which in itself becomes toxic and abusive, particularly as future relationships develop.
The debate focused on the fact that children who are abused are much more likely to become adults who abuse (between 30% and 40% of people who are abused as children go on to become abusers themselves) – so it is vital to concentrate efforts on families that could be identified as being at greater risk of abuse.
Trauma is not, therefore, an excuse for perpetuating harm and suffering, nor a get-out-of-jail-free card for causing emotional or physical pain to others. Trauma may help explain why someone is primed to think, feel, behave, or react in certain manners or in certain contexts.
It is also true that sufferers of trauma can in fact increase their chances of developing toxic behaviors through the continuation of flawed or ineffective coping mechanisms. This is especially true with methods such as drinking and drug use.
Gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sexual behaviors, extreme drinking, and the use of weapons are all examples of what risky behavior can look like in those with PTSD. It is likely that gender plays a role in who develops the risky behavior symptom of PTSD.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” When someone experiences any of the many types of trauma, they often feel overwhelmed and seek relief by sharing their story. Unfortunately, this can backfire.
After an abusive incident, an abuser often begins the stages of trauma bonding all over again by love bombing the victim and regaining their trust. The victim may make excuses for the abuser's behavior. Things may seem like they're returning to "normal," until another incident of abuse occurs.
Neglect. Neglect occurs in 61% of child abuse cases.
Abuse mainly occurs within the close social environment
This includes relatives, friends and family acquaintances or even employees in educational, leisure and sport facilities. Children and adolescents suffer sexual violence within their nuclear family in most cases.
Narcissists may play the victim if they believe they gain something from making you feel guilty. Their tendency to use manipulation tactics is one of the formal symptoms of narcissistic personality.
All kinds of trauma create stress reactions. People often say that their first feeling is relief to be alive after a traumatic event. This may be followed by stress, fear and anger. Trauma may also lead people to find they are unable to stop thinking about what happened.
You may experience feelings of confusion, anxiety, shame, guilt, frequent crying, over-compliance, powerlessness, and more. You may stay in the relationship and try to bargain with the abuser or try to change the abuser's behavior, often placing blame on yourself, even though you are not at fault.
While venting can be a natural part of working through our negative emotions, does it become toxic at a certain point? It turns out, it can. And that's when venting becomes trauma dumping — the act of oversharing your emotions in a way that becomes harmful to the other person.
If you live with complex trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), trauma dumping or oversharing could be a natural trauma response and coping mechanism.
You're intentional about what you share and aware that you're venting. You may say something like, “Can I just vent for five minutes?” Trauma dumping: With trauma dumping, you overshare difficult or intimate personal information without the other person's consent or during inappropriate times.
You want to leave someone, but you simply cannot bring yourself to cut them out of your life. This is one of the biggest warning signs that you are in a trauma bond. You may find yourself deciding to leave your abuser, but then feeling a drawback to them that is so powerful that you lose your resolve.
A trauma bond is usually formed when two people have faced a difficult situation together and have grown to depend on each other for emotional support. This type of bond can last for months or even years, depending on the intensity of the trauma experienced and the level of emotional attachment between the individuals.
Narcissists do feel the trauma bond, but not in the same way that the people that they abuse feel it. A trauma bond makes narcissists feel remarkably well because the dynamics of a trauma bonded relationship are designed to help them regulate the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they've suppressed.
Unhealthy fight responses can include controlling behaviors, narcissistic tendencies, bullying, conduct disorder, demanding perfection from others, and feelings of entitlement.
Fear and Anxiety
Anxiety is a common and natural response to a dangerous situation. For many people it lasts long after the trauma has ended. This happens when one's views of the world and sense of safety have changed and become more negative. You may become anxious when you remember the trauma.
Emotional reactions to trauma can vary greatly and are significantly influenced by the individual's sociocultural history. Beyond the initial emotional reactions during the event, those most likely to surface include anger, fear, sadness, and shame.