“This can look like poor self-image and excessive self-criticism, feelings of emptiness and instability in goals, values and opinions.” Individuals living with quiet BPD may have decreased levels of empathy, high conflict relationships, clinginess and fear of abandonment, adds Dr. Lira de la Rosa.
Rather than lashing out, they usually turn anger inward. They may also be socially anxious, assume everything is their fault and feel like they are a burden to others. Just like people with 'classic' BPD, they also suffer from fear of abandonment, black-or-white thinking, mood swings, and urges to self-harm.”
Because struggles and anger outbursts are so often internal, quiet BPD is much more difficult to diagnose. In fact, it often goes undiagnosed or is misdiagnosed for years. Sometimes quiet BPD is also referred to as high-functioning BPD, but this name is largely inaccurate.
Internalised anger is the main symptom of quiet BPD, causing you to turn against yourself and become overly self-critical. Other signs of quiet BPD include: You have bad mood swings, but you hide them from the people around you. Instead of externalising your anxiety or anger, you suffer in silence, isolating yourself.
For someone with quiet borderline personality disorder, while they still experience these intense emotions, they tend to do so internally. This can cause them to lash out at themselves. When someone has quiet borderline personality disorder, it can be something that other people do not necessarily notice.
Some signs that a person is splitting include: idealizing someone one moment, then later calling them abusive or toxic. not seeing nuance in the relationships or actions of others. cutting people out of their life, then expressing feelings of abandonment.
Frequent Mood Swings
Experiencing a frequently changing roller coaster of emotions is a common quiet BPD symptom. Someone with other BPD forms might act out towards those around them when this happens, but someone with quiet BPD often sits with their everchanging emotions in silence.
Compared to non-patients, BPD patients showed the anticipated higher crying frequency despite a similar crying proneness and ways of dealing with tears. They also reported less awareness of the influence of crying on others.
Because there is no easy method to diagnose BPD, the medical professional may become focused on particular symptoms and may come up with a diagnosis of a variety of similar conditions, which include depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
While people with quiet BPD often seem fine outwardly, they are struggling inside with feelings of intense loneliness, shame, or self-criticism. BPD is estimated to affect about 1.6% of the population at any one time. However, some estimates put the percentage closer to 6%.
The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better over time with treatment and can learn to live satisfying lives.
Individuals living with quiet BPD may have decreased levels of empathy, high conflict relationships, clinginess and fear of abandonment, adds Dr. Lira de la Rosa. “The combination of these symptoms can lead to unstable interpersonal relationships, low self-esteem and periods of depression.”
Individuals with cPTSD tend to have a more stable sense of Self but struggle with consistent feelings of low self-worth, guilt, and shame. Individuals with BPD, on the other hand, have a more unstable sense of Self – they may not know who they are at their core and frequently change their interests and hobbies.
Through social conditioning, you were led to believe that only the "happy, calm, and normal" version of you would be accepted. So no matter how much you are suffering on the inside, you hide it. Many people with Quiet BPD also suffer from a condition called alexithymia—the inability to recognize or describe emotions.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Intense and sometimes inappropriate rage is a characteristic of borderline personality disorder (BPD). An individual with this mental health condition has difficulty regulating their emotions or returning to their baseline, which can include frustration-induced anger and even rage blackouts.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
One of the key features of BPD is the push-pull dynamics, which occur when individuals have a strong urge for intimacy and deep connection with someone, but their fear of rejection and abandonment leads them to push the person away.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Compared to their 'classic BPD' counterparts, people with quiet BPD may be leaning towards the over-control end of the spectrum. People with under-controlled tendencies tend to struggle with emotional dysregulation and impulsivity. They appear dramatic in their behaviours and attract more attention from others.