People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
Many people with BPD have a history of attachment problems, which creates a sense of fear and mistrust. As a support person, it is important for you to be consistent and honest. As much as possible, do what you say you will do. It's okay and usually necessary to set limits ahead of time.
Loyal and committed
Yes, some partners with BPD may be disloyal, mainly if they act impulsively when emotionally dysregulated. But most of the time, if they feel safe and loved in a committed relationship, they will appreciate the haven they have been looking for all their lives.
More specifically, interpersonal functioning among patients with BPD is marked by difficulties in being trusted (Hepp et al., 2018) and in trusting others (Botsford & Renneberg, B., 2020; Fertuck et al., 2019; King-Casas et al., 2008; Poggi et al., 2019), fears of abandonment (Clarkin et al., 1993; Kellett, S., Gausden ...
With the proper treatment and support, people with BPD can and do have healthy and happy relationships. Setting realistic and practical goals for improvement is central to making your relationship work.
It's a mental health condition, and it can be managed. Can a person with borderline personality disorder feel love? Absolutely! They may just have a hard time expressing it or establishing some stability in their relationships.
Fact: People with BPD are capable of giving and receiving love. People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love.
Their brain essentially learned that trusting others will result in getting betrayed and feeling hurt. Because Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often stems from childhood trauma, trust issues are common among people with BPD.
For instance, a person with BPD is not trying to be manipulative; they are scared of being left or abandoned. They are also not uncaring people. They do care about family and friends but find it difficult not to act selfishly when experiencing their own heightened emotions. They do want to change, but it is so hard.
Their fear of rejection plays an essential role in their unstable and stormy interpersonal relationships, alternating between idealization and devaluation. We can hypothesize that interpersonal distrust may contribute to fear of abandonment and turbulent relationships.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
People with BPD are extremely sensitive to their own, and others' emotions and feelings. This makes them incredibly compassionate and empathetic as they really can feel what someone else is going through. As such they make great listeners and tend to be the kind of people you want around after a bad day.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
The actions of people who have BPD can indeed feel manipulative. However, the word 'manipulative', with its pejorative suggestions of malicious scheming, does not capture the true nature of BPD-spurred behavior.
BPD is considered to be one of the most serious mental illnesses, as it causes a great deal of suffering and has a high-risk for suicide.”
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
Things like “splitting,” experiencing intense emotions or mood swings and dissociation are mainstays for many folks with BPD — but they aren't the only ways it can manifest. Sometimes BPD can make people do things that are often described (and misunderstood) as being “impolite.”
When a real or perceived slight is then experienced by the person with borderline personality disorder, this can cause them to feel disappointed, betrayed, unloved or abandoned, and view the other party as entirely bad. The individual may then become angry, or withdraw entirely.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
Many people with BPD also have gifts of being highly intuitive, passionate, empathic, and creative. Through healing, someone who has had BPD can still reach their potential as a uniquely gifted parent. However, not everyone has the support and resources they need to grow and heal.
Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD describe their partner as fun, exciting, and passionate. Many people are initially drawn to people with BPD precisely because they have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy.
Most people with BPD struggle with low self-esteem. To cope with their feelings, they seek validation from others. They may have legitimate feelings for you and believe that exaggerated displays of affection are the best way to keep you close.