Although some people on the autism spectrum enjoy fulfilling relationships, there are others for whom emotional attachment can be difficult and this may affect intimate relationships, family relationships and friendships.
Key points. Widespread stereotypes suggest that people with autism are incapable of feeling romantic love. In reality, people with autism can experience romantic love and often attach considerable value to their close relationships.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
People with autism often experience love differently from neurotypical people. Their expression of love is less straightforward, as they tend to rely heavily on non-verbal communication. This can mean that those who are neurotypical may find it difficult to interpret the signs of affection.
Love and affection may be felt but expressed differently
The empathy circuitry of the brain is also working differently. Your autistic person feels love, and feels empathy too, but may struggle to express both in ways that lead to you feeling loved or empathised with.
Individuals with autism can also have an aversion to touch. Touch can cause a lack of emotional response or may even cause emotional stress and turmoil. Touch aversion in autism can feel uncomfortable for friends and family who are unfamiliar with this common response.
Unique shows of affection
People with autism may show their love by: sharing their special interest. allowing someone into their space. using alternative forms of communication.
It's true that many people with autism don't show emotion in ways that people without the condition would recognize. But the notion that people with autism generally lack empathy and cannot recognize feelings is wrong.
Autistic people who have trouble identifying their emotions, a condition known as alexithymia, are likely to have anxiety, depression and problems with social communication, according to a new study1.
People with autism may get easily attached to people, leading them to become over-friendly. It can be difficult to understand other people's perceptions of situations, therefore what they feel is appropriate, may be considered as socially unacceptable.
The pressure to date causes many individuals with autism to move too fast in relationships. Sometimes, the pressure to date causes neurodiverse individuals to enter into relationships too quickly and not fully vet the partner they are dating.
For some autistic adults, emotions do not show, either on their face, in their body or in their tone of voice. The circuitry in the brain responsible for expression of emotion through the body and voice is working differently in autism.
Though autistic people may respond to emotions and social cues differently than neurotypical people, this does not mean they lack empathy. Just like neurotypical people, levels of empathy vary between autistic individuals.
Because of the nature of ASD, you may feel a lack of communication and emotional contact with your partner. As you try to work on your relationship, it is likely that contact with others will become more limited causing further loneliness. This can lead to depression, and maybe even, feelings of despair.
One concept that alludes many autistics is flirting. It is a challenge because they're often very literal. When someone is flirting, they do or say things, that in a literal sense, don't make sense. This non-literal behavior can be very challenging for neurodiverse adults to understand.
Sometimes, people with autism have a harder time regulating their emotions. They may rely on unique self-soothing strategies to deal with intense emotions, and either seek out or avoid sensory stimuli like bright lights, loud sounds and intense smells.
Autistic pre-teens and teenagers might know the words for emotions but still have trouble recognising them in themselves and others, particularly when they're upset. They might also have difficulty recognising other people's facial expressions, tone of voice or body language.
Autistic teenagers develop romantic feelings just as other children the same age do. Visual supports and social stories can help autistic teenagers recognise attraction and negotiate romantic relationships.
A child with autism or sensory issues might not respond well to a hug, because the sensation of touch can be too overwhelming for them.
Up to 90 percent of people with autism are either overly sensitive to sound, sight, taste, smell or touch, or barely notice them at all. Some seek out sensations by, for example, spinning in circles or stroking items with particular textures.
In children and teenagers with high-functioning autism, this can present as a limited social circle, difficulty completing group work, or problems sharing toys and materials. Many people with ASD have sensory difficulties. Certain tastes, noises, smells, or feelings can be intolerable.
While some people with autism merely yell or stamp, many really do become overwhelmed by their own emotions. 3 Bolting, hitting, self-abuse, crying, and screaming are all possibilities. These can be particularly frightening—and even dangerous—when the autistic individual is physically large.
It's a common misconception that autistic people are unaware of their condition. The truth is, many autistic people are very much aware of their autism and how it affects them. In fact, some say that it's through understanding and acceptance of their autism that they've been able to lead fulfilling lives.