There are a number of possible reasons why someone with bipolar would push others away. This tends to happen during depressive episodes, but it can happen when they're manic or symptom-free, as well. It can be painful when you're shut out, but it's not your fault.
When your bipolar partner cuts off all contact, try not to blame yourself as it's nothing personal. They're probably struggling with an intense period of the disorder, and removing themselves from your life might ease the management of the symptoms.
Unpredictable or intense mood changes define the heart of bipolar disorder. It can cause you to unwittingly withdraw from the people you love, or overly engage them. This can leave them feeling bewildered or concerned.
Patients with rapid changes between the two states are known to have manic depressive states or episodes. Without the appropriate treatment, bipolar behavior can destroy relationships, deteriorate the individual's health, and/or endanger their job.
The known maladaptive types of coping mechanisms, or negative coping skills, evident in BD patients are “… rumination, catastrophism, self-blame, substance use, risk-taking, behavioral disengagement, problem-direct coping, venting of emotions, or mental disengagement” (Apaydin & Atagun, 2018).
Try not to take anything personally – people with bipolar push others away for many reasons. Respect their boundaries, support them, and gently encourage them to seek treatment. Practice empathy, but avoid empathy burnout.
As with many emotions, however, people with bipolar disorder appear to be more vulnerable to extreme reactions. “Everyone can become frustrated or angry, but loss of control can be part and parcel of bipolar disorder rage,” says Jeffrey Borenstein, MD, president and CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
The first thing that may challenge a person with bipolar disorder to create relationships is self-stigma (or internalized stigma), leading to self-created isolation. Self-stigma is where a person internalizes the negative messages he or she receives about those with a mental condition.
Those of us with bipolar disorder subconsciously believe that we are unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, which causes us to act on ghosting. The stress and pressure to explain the reasons for pushing away creates anxiety; which is where ghosting comes into play.
Paranoia — a belief that people are following you or conspiring against you — is a symptom of psychosis in bipolar disorder that can be managed medically and with other strategies.
Let yourself feel the emotions
These emotions can feel uncomfortable for someone with bipolar disorder, but they are a normal part of a relationship breakup. Give yourself time to work through your feelings one by one, and remember they are a normal part of the grieving process when a relationship ends.
Breakups can be brutal—and can easily trigger bipolar symptoms. The end of a relationship often ushers in dark feelings like abandonment, guilt, and rejection.
It's common for someone with bipolar disorder to hurt and offend their partner. When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed. Couples counseling can help you: Understand that there's an illness involved in the hurtful behavior.
Bad Breakups or Marriage Breakdowns
A number of people with bipolar disorder — especially those with a history of severe manic episodes — experience a breakdown in their marriages. If you're going through a divorce, working with your therapist through what is often a drawn-out and extremely stressful process can help.
Many people with bipolar disorder find themselves in on and off again relationships. Couples counseling and individual therapy are great options for people with bipolar disorder who are struggling with relationships.
However, when feelings of low mood start to kick in, you may feel detached from others, and try to isolate yourself from the world for no obvious reason. You may find it hard to get on with your day-to-day tasks, often feel hopeless and sleep too much or too little.
On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be challenging while dating someone with bipolar disorder, because their subjective experience of the relationship and the world around them can often shift without treatment. This can be surprising because you may not be able to follow the shift in their emotional states.
For partners of individuals with bipolar disorder, it can be overwhelming to watch a loved one go through mood swings. While loving someone with bipolar disorder can come with challenges, but there is also a possibility for love and a healthy partnership.
Anger and irritability are common symptoms of bipolar disorder. While anger is a normal response that many people feel at moments in their life, a person with bipolar disorder will be more vulnerable to impulsive and often irrational outbursts.
To Satisfy Needs for Attention. The person with bipolar might be using emotional manipulation to get attention from those who are close to them. It is not uncommon for a person with bipolar to lash out at the person who provides the most care or practical support.
Reading facial expressions.
Bipolar disorder may make it more difficult for you to interpret people's emotions. Missed clues make it harder for you to empathize when others feel happy or sad.
Looking back at what happened during a mood episode can stir powerful emotions. It's common to feel embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed, even worthless. There's often regret, sharpened by fear that you've alienated people in your life.