Instead of engaging with people like the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist chooses to be alone because no one can live up to their high expectations.
Narcissists hate to be alone. They need external validation for their existence. At all times they have to latch on to someone, whether it be a friend, a colleague, or a romantic partner. Narcissists need someone to bounce their lies off of.
Vulnerable narcissists try to defend themselves through Isolation and avoidance of social relations as they feel afraid of being let down and ashamed of needing others (Bernardi & Eidlin, 2018).
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Among many other things covert narcissists do, a hallmark of their eccentricity is using false humility or self-deprecating comments to garner people's attention and seek validation. They trivialize their skills and accomplishments, so people reassure them or shower them with praise.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Another is that once a covert narcissist has received the empty approval they crave from the people around them, they will lose interest and become bored. In fact, boredom is just one of many unpleasant side-effects to keeping narcissism bottled up.
And herein lies the answer to the question: Built into the definition of NPD is manipulation (exploitation). The more severe the disorder, the more likely that exploitative style is to become abusive. That means anyone with NPD can become abusive over time. And abuse is dangerous.
Childhood trauma or abuse: Traumatic experiences in childhood are a common cause of covert narcissism. Physical, sexual, and mental abuse or neglect could lead to overwhelming shame, loss, or deprivation that causes psychological damage to a child, leading to covert narcissistic personalities as an adult.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Covert narcissists may not be aware of their toxic behaviors or they may not know their behavior is stemming from a personality disorder. This isn't an excuse for acting in hurtful ways, but it is something to keep in mind when dealing with a narcissist.
At the root of vulnerable narcissism is the profound fear of abandonment. Such individuals have a fearful attachment style, which is indicative of vulnerable narcissists' hidden entitled expectations of partners to satisfy their needs while fearing they will fail to do so.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people.
Not all people with narcissism are unhappy, but many can't find contentment when they aren't the center of attention. They may seem unhappy or insecure unless they get their way and receive praise. However, when they're not happy, they may do whatever they can to disrupt your happiness.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
What is the narcissistic abuse cycle? It is a pattern of behavior that is often seen in relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder. It typically consists of four phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering.
People with covert narcissism are likely to experience depression, anxiety, and symptoms of other personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder.
All narcissist are self-obsessed, but it turns out not all are confident of their own greatness. While your garden-variety egomaniac will preen and brag and generally make herself the center of attention, a covert narcissist will be just as self-focused, but in a defensive way.
Wives of covert narcissist husbands often end up feeling "done to" before these same wives gradually withdraw sexually. He'll then resent you for your lack of sexual interest, despite his showing no genuine interest. Your "disinterest" in "pleasing him sexually" is a constant insult he must endure.
“Covert narcissists appear much more humble about their self-importance, but they still crave that admiration and attention,” states Dr. Albers. “They use a lot of softer tactics to get that kind of attention and reassurance of their talents, skills or accomplishments.”
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Not all narcissists are cheaters, but rates of infidelity are higher among them, which may concern people who are in a relationship with a narcissist. Your partner may show less interest in you, signs of inappropriate online behavior, flirt with others in front of you, and become defensive when you question them.
Once challenged, or worse, exposed for the fraud they might be, a narcissist can really fly off the handle. They regard challenging or exposure as the ultimate insult for them. It's embarrassing for others to see the truth. This sparks their rage.