Research shows that relative to people with secure styles, those with one of the insecure styles (dismissing avoidant, preoccupied/anxious, fearful or disorganized) will experience more grief and less post-traumatic growth (Cohen & Katz, 2015).
Dismissing/avoidant people, in particular, are likely to report less post-traumatic growth after the death of a loved one. They tend to suppress their negative feelings and to convert those negative (disowned) emotions into physical symptoms like headaches or abdominal distress (Wayment & Vierthaler, 2002).
In one study, individuals with avoidant-attachment displayed fewer grief, depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic symptoms than individuals with anxious attachment. In other studies, the avoidant attachment style was associated with prolonged grief (Boelen & Klugkist, 2011; Jerga, Shaver, & Wilkinson, 2011).
Initiate the breakup & suppress negative emotions
This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.
Which attachment style struggles with grief the most? As you might expect from this example, people with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style in childhood have the greatest tendency to struggle long-term following bereavement.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
Children with avoidant attachment were taught that their parents either did not care about their emotions or were not equipped to deal with them.
Yes. Some dismissive avoidants feel regret the break-up as soon as it happens, especially if they had formed some form of attachment. Some dismissive avoidants try to get back together right after the break-up and other's offer a friendship out of regret.
People with an avoidant attachment style tend to cope with abandonment issues by not allowing people to get close to them, and not opening up and trusting others. They may be characteristically distant, private, or withdrawn.
A dismissive-avoidant will shut down when approached with inconsistent communication. Over time a Dismissive-avoidant will stop trying to bridge the gap in emotional connection and slowly give up on the relationship.
Someone who is dismissive-avoidant will easily feel smothered if their partner tries to chase them. If they feel controlled or like their partner is trying to change them in some way, they might pull away.
Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation. Even when avoidant attachers do engage in dating and relationships, those relationships are usually casual and short-lived. Avoidant attachers tend to feel threatened by emotional intimacy and use various defense mechanisms.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
People with a dismissive-avoidant style are not afraid of abandonment or the end of a relationship. When conflicts happen, a person with this attachment style often starts looking for the fastest way out of the relationship.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
Avoidants may keep pushing people away but be shocked when they finally leave. As a child their caregiver may have been neglectful or overbearing and given rise to a feeling of emotional abandonment, but they were still physically present.
Dismissive avoidant attachment is an attachment style that usually presents as emotionally-distanced and highly self-reliant. Developed in early childhood, this dismissive avoidance can manifest in an inability to connect with people and form close relationships.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
Someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style has a deep fear of rejection. To manage this fear, you might avoid intimate relationships by keeping your partner at a distance or leaving a relationship when it becomes too emotionally charged. A high level of independence is what you desire in your relationships.
An avoidant-dismissive person can have a successful loving relationship once they acknowledge their attachment style and are willing to work on the detrimental effect it will play out on their loving relationship if they continue acting out avoidant-dismissive behavior.
Emotional Intelligence and Avoidant Attachment
People with the avoidant attachment style are more likely than secure attachers to have low levels of emotional intelligence. This is especially the case when it comes to other peoples' emotions.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.
They might start acting rude or trying to find flaws in their partner so that they have an excuse to break up with them. Dismissive-avoidants believe that they don't need emotional connection and use this behavior as a defense mechanism.