Emotional abuse may be unintentional, where the person doesn't realize they are hurting someone else, according to Engel. And, “some people are reenacting patterns of being in a relationship that they learn from their parents or their caregivers,” adds Heidi Kar, Ph.
Emotional abuse is often covert and insidious.
Many people who are victims of emotional abuse are not aware they are being abused or are in a toxic relationship. It is interesting to note that the most common type of abuse is emotional; and all abuse, sexual, physical, financial, etc., is emotionally abusive.
Because the truth is, abusers — especially narcissists — know exactly what they're doing. And they do it on purpose. Unfortunately, the collective response to someone being abusive is to first err on the side of innocence and make excuses for the abuser, since to consider the alternative is at first unimaginable.
If you rely on others to control your happiness or you are financially dependent on others, you are more likely to be a victim of abuse. Abusers seek to control the emotions and actions of others, which means if you depend on others for emotional support, you're making yourself a target.
Characteristics of Emotionally Abusive Men and Women
Emotional abusers tend to believe they are "owed" by everyone and thus everyone (including their victim) should give them what they want. This makes them feel entitled to give orders, control, and abuse in order to get what they want.
The feeling of being powerful and in control gives some abusers immense pleasure. Abusers may also derive pleasure from seeing you suffer. Narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists may be drawn to emotional abuse because of the pleasure they take in having power over others or seeing them suffer (Brogaard, 2020).
Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress. Signs of emotional abuse.
You may experience feelings of confusion, anxiety, shame, guilt, frequent crying, over-compliance, powerlessness, and more. You may stay in the relationship and try to bargain with the abuser or try to change the abuser's behavior, often placing blame on yourself, even though you are not at fault.
Not every abuser has a narcissistic personality disorder. Abuse occurs in many different ways and every type, degree, and combination of abuse comes with its own unique spectrum. In this spectrum, we have a limitless amount of personality types of the perpetrators that are engaging in these acts of abuse.
Inside an Abuser's Mind
Abusers often feel they share an identity with their victim. They do not want their victim to have a life separate from them and see the victim as an extension of themselves. They will use isolation or threats to keep their victim from leaving, getting help or having any other relationships.
Emotional abuse is linked to thinning of certain areas of the brain that help you manage emotions and be self-aware — especially the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe. Epigenetic changes and depression. Research from 2018 has connected childhood abuse to epigenetic brain changes that may cause depression.
Verbal abuse is the most common form of emotional abuse. Things may be said in a loving, quiet voice, or be indirect—even concealed as a joke. Confronting an abuser often takes the support and validation of a group, therapist, or counselor.
The cycle of abuse often goes through four main stages: tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm. Abusive behaviors may escalate from cycle to cycle, although this isn't always the case.
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.
While being the target of narcissistic abuse is stressful and hurtful, many narcissists are unaware of how their actions impact others. If they are aware that others feel negatively about them or about their choices, they often lack the ability to take responsibility for their actions or see them as wrong.
Emotional abuse can involve any of the following: Verbal abuse: yelling at you, insulting you or swearing at you. Rejection: constantly rejecting your thoughts, ideas and opinions. Gaslighting: making you doubt your own feelings and thoughts, and even your sanity, by manipulating the truth.
Unfortunately, there's a tendency for people suffering from middle to complex trauma to blame themselves for abuse. This is a problem because they often do it when they objectively were not responsible for it. This type of toxic self-blame can happen to any victim of trauma.
What are the effects of emotional or verbal abuse? Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic pain, depression, or anxiety.
Emotional abuse targets a person's feelings, it uses emotions to manipulate, punish, and achieve control. Rather than personal sentiments, mental abuse focuses on questioning and influencing a person's way of thinking and views on reality. Psychological abuse can cause a person to question their environment.
Other examples of mental abuse can range from bullying, withholding kind words, negging, passive-aggressive backhanded compliments, verbal abuse, and mental manipulation. When someone has realized they are a victim of mental abuse, some decide to stay, while others develop unhealthy methods to deal with the trauma.