Whether you were dumped or did the dumping, it's not uncommon for exes to lurk on your social media and watch your posts. If you suspect your ex is stalking your profiles, they may be trying to grab your attention to get you back.
"If your ex is still looking on your social media, it doesn't automatically mean they still love you. It could simply be a case of curiosity or boredom," Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert and love coach, tells Elite Daily. "Curiosity is normal. Checking your stories from time to time is harmless."
Looking your ex up on social media is not something that will help you heal. It could potentially contribute to poor mental health. With so many reasons not to do it, it may be time to say goodbye to your ex once and for all.
The only way to know for sure (other than if she is clicking like on your posts), is to log into her account (if you have her password) and look at her Activity Log under Settings. There, you will find what she has been searching for (e.g. your name).
In short, the desire to check up on your ex is absolutely normal. “Long before the existence of social media, people stalked their exes,” explains Toni Coleman, LCSW, who's a relationship coach and divorce mediator.
The most likely reason why your ex watches your Instagram stories – especially if they don't follow you or had previously blocked you – is because they are curious to see how you are doing.
To find out if your ex still likes you, see if they keep calling, texting, or messaging you, which shows they're still into you. Additionally, pay attention to whether they seem to show up wherever you are, since that suggests they're looking for continued contact.
Your Ex Is Curious
They may wonder how you're handling the breakup, if you have life in order, and perhaps most commonly, if you're available. If your ex is interested in getting back together, they'll likely use this information to gauge your level of attraction and decide on their next move with more certainty.
It is also unhealthy for you because it allows you to constantly compare yourself to others. Perhaps you are looking at photos of their new partner, or comparing how well they seem to be coping with your own reality. Either way, this is a time and thought consuming habit which negatively impacts your self esteem.
But you should be more concerned if they follow their ex excessively or talk about how they hate them but still obsess about what they are up to via social media. These are generally fed flags that they aren't truly over them yet.
Christopher Carpenter, a professor in communication at Western Illinois University, told Newsweek that, no matter how tempting, stalking your ex is a bad idea. "Several studies suggest that stalking your ex on social media is associated with having trouble moving on and getting over the breakup," he said.
Whether it's due to seeking distraction or closure, or just not feeling ready to let go of an ex, many people have found themselves continuously engaging in this behavior. When you're struggling to move on and a breakup feels fresh, it's human nature to feel tempted to check what your ex is up to.
Avoiding eye contact may indicate lack of interest, avoidance, denial, or awkwardness. If you try to have an honest conversation with you ex, but he or she continues to be fidgety and avoiding your gaze, your ex may not be ready to talk with you yet.
When an ex wants you back but won't admit it, they will constantly seek your attention and validation. If they have a greater ego, they might be holding on to past pain. If your ex wants you back, they will ask for your advice and attention, and will try to give you their attention in return.
What Is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing is when we're shown tiny bits of interest or affection at a time from someone, whether they're a romantic suitor or an ex – but not enough for us to assume interest. They might send an out-of-the-blue text or leave a flirty comment on our latest selfie or invite us out to coffee.
A Part Of Them Misses You
Even though your ex broke up with you, the reaching out is an indication there's a part of them that misses you - even if they don't say that in their message or call. What it doesn't necessarily mean, is that they want to get back together.
It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make an large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.
According to Brown, an ex following you on Instagram could mean that they miss you, either romantically or just as a friend. "Perhaps they truly are over the romantic aspects of your relationship, but they cherish your friendship and want to continue to include you in their life," Brown explains.
It's a way for exes to keep themselves in your life in a low-key, zero-commitment way. "This is a way for the ghost to encourage that interest with almost no effort." "It's a low commitment way for the ghost or ex-partner to stay connected and play a passive role in their exes' lives," says Pavitt.
This suggests that they're interested in what you post and don't mind that you'll see their consistent views. "It's such a weird feeling because I've never been one to pay attention to my Instagram Story views," Lauren, 24, tells Elite Daily.