The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
The stages of gaslighting
“Gaslighters will 'love bomb' you with affection, attention and gifts as a way to gain control and make you trust them,” Sarkis says.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Their apologies are always conditional When someone says, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” that's not an apology; the other person is not taking responsibility for their behaviour, they're simply manipulating you. Gaslighters will only apologise if they are trying to get something out of you.
Gaslighting in a relationship is about power, domination, and often fear of losing control. Often a gaslighter will use some of the following tactics to maintain control over their partner: They use their love as a defense for their actions. They accuse their victim of being paranoid.
Though some people may not realize the damage their behavior is causing, if they aren't willing to hear your requests for change and attempt to make these changes, end the relationship before it goes any further. Remember that gaslighters have fragile egos, little self-esteem, and are inherently weak.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
Typically, gaslighters do not want to break up. "In most cases, they want to stay in the relationship and keep it on their terms," says mental health counselor Rebecca Weiler.
Gaslighters are often very intelligent, says Connecticut-based psychotherapist Dori Gatter, PsyD. “Their intellect, combined with their inability to handle negative feedback, means they often assume positions of authority in the workplace.
Someone with narcissistic personality may become “addicted” to gaslighting, needing more control to keep up their self-esteem. Many gaslighters use the target's shame and confusion to isolate them. The person may withdraw from loved ones for fear they will side with the abuser.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will.
Some of the most common reasons people gaslight are:
They want to keep a people pleaser partner trying to please. They use it to gain power and control. They have a personality disorder like narcissist, borderline or antisocial personality disorder. They want to keep the other person off balance.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Why gaslighting is so damaging. Gaslighting makes you doubt your own perception, your feelings, and your memory. It makes you doubt reality itself, and therefore your own sanity.
Gaslighting happens when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something abusive and then denying it happened.
Gaslighters gain control or avoid facing the consequences of their behavior by hiding and distorting information. They may tell blatant lies or subtle ones. Even when confronted with specific facts that contradict what they are saying, gaslighters may continue to repeat the lies.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting typically begins gradually, with a snide comment or critical remark disguised as a joke. The gaslighter may then deny having said or done something, tell blatant lies and eventually project his or her bad behavior or traits on you.
Gaslighters are known to be narcissists and authoritarian – but always with low self-esteem. They perceive themselves as gifted and brilliant and like to be recognized. However, they are also interested in obtaining and keeping power regardless of how they get it.
Someone who gaslights might even make overt gestures of aggression. There's often a threatening component when one partner wants to leave the relationship or that sort of thing. The threat can be covert or overt.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.