One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will.
Generally, gaslighting happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner's actions may seem harmless at first. Over time, however, these abusive patterns continue, and as a result, a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
Intentionality and Malice. Gaslighting is an intentional behaviour directed at diminishing someone's sense of reality or denying their experiences as a way of helping the gaslighter save face/protect self-esteem/maintain the relationship/keep another person in a relationship/win an argument, etc.
Because gaslighters usually don't apologize or admit wrongdoing, it's harder for their victims to move on from the experience.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.
Certain mental health conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder lend themselves to gaslighting as those illnesses give people a distorted view of themselves and others and a propensity toward manipulating others for their own ends by any means necessary, as well as never ...
A gaslighter often lacks empathy for others. They will emotionally abuse others and harm their mental health without regard.
Because of this constant anxiety, individuals will feel a constant need to control others and their environments. Some gaslighters may even have deep-rooted insecurities and low self-esteem, so they use gaslighting as a way to feel superior and to assert their perceived superiority over the victim.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
Gaslighting is psychological abuse through verbal, written, and/or physical actions that cause the recipient to question their reality. A non-apology is used to deflect, pretend to apologize, and ultimately win the disagreement by placing blame back on the individual.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a person who is gaslighting you, avoid arguing with them and do your best to remain calm. Seek support from friends and family members who can validate your experience and help you sort through your feelings.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
The gaslighter slowly chips away at their victim's sense of reality. Gaslighters can target those they view as most vulnerable, e.g. people who are isolated or exhibit feelings of inadequacy.
Typically, gaslighters do not want to break up. "In most cases, they want to stay in the relationship and keep it on their terms," says mental health counselor Rebecca Weiler.
Gaslighting can be part of a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.
Create boundaries
Creating firm boundaries is essential in all relationships — but especially critical when dealing with gaslighters. You can try to limit your conversations with the person or walk away when they start to use phrases that make you feel doubt or anxiety.
Gaslighting friends enjoy conflict and often rile people against one another. Often, this motive comes from a place of profound jealousy. This friend may instigate rumors just to see how people respond. They often hope that others will be “grateful” for their truth.