One of the topics that I often talk to parents about is the lack of a social community. Parents are concerned and often say, “My child doesn't have any friends”. The reality is, gifted children tend to have fewer friends.
Making friends is often fraught for gifted children. They may find it difficult to find friends in a typical school environment or extracurricular activity. The more gifted they are, the more difficult it may be for them to find social connection with other children their age, and understandably so.
Gifted children can (and do) make friends with all types of people. However, having friends who are also gifted at an early age allows them to learn more easily the give and take of relationships because they understand and accept each other in general.
A strong relationship was found between children's levels of intellectual ability and their conceptions of friendship. In general, intellectually gifted children were found to be substantially further along the hierarchy of stages of friendship than were their age-peers of average ability.
Gifted children often set very high standards for themselves and get frustrated when they can't meet them. This can sometimes result in tantrums and other difficult behaviour. It's great for your child to work towards high standards. But your child needs to understand that they can't have high standards for everything.
Gifted trauma stems from childhood issues with feeling like you don't belong anywhere because of your gift. Bullying, starving for mental stimulation, school mismatch, and other issues specific to the life experience of the gifted child may also contribute both to the main mental health issue and gift-specific trauma.
There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. He may lack social skills or a have a personality that puts off others his own age. He might not share the same interests as his classmates (for example he may hate sports).
Gifted kids often have advanced intellectual skills that allow them to perform at high levels and solve complex problems. But this intelligence is not always accompanied by high social and emotional skills. Socially and emotionally, gifted kids often develop at the same rate or even slower than their peers.
Giftedness can create problems and conflicts; being a gifted child can also mean difficulty socializing with age peers, thinking styles that don't always mesh well with the demands from the environment, even children who see themselves as little adults, challenging teachers and parents.
The gifted child may be either introverted or extroverted. That said, research suggests that introversion occurs at a significantly higher rate among gifted individuals. In my own practice, I see this to be true.
- Strong empathy and attachments to others: Gifted children are easily concerned for others (animals as well as people), and often demonstrate heightened sensitivity in relationships. They often attach so strongly that they become “clingy” and prone to loneliness.
While gifted children may not be any more susceptible to mental health issues as other adolescents, there are certain aspects of giftedness that may influence or amplify a gifted child's experience of mental health issues.
Social interactions may lead to anxiety for many gifted children – especially those who tend to be shy. A fear of being evaluated, perfectionism, hypersensitivity, a tendency toward self-criticism, and even simply being singled out as gifted can all heighten stress and anxiety in young people.
Gifted children can be argumentative and/or manipulative. Even though a child might be able to present a logical or convincing argument, they still need boundaries and discipline around their behaviour else they learn that these undesirable behaviours get them what they want.
Just because gifted children are often emotionally sensitive and can be profoundly empathetic very early in their development does not mean they can always access that empathy, however.
The eagerness in repeating the same task multiple times is not the characteristic of the gifted child.
Formal identification of gifted children
If you think your child might be gifted, you can see an educational psychologist for an IQ test and a report on your child's advanced learning. This report is likely to focus mostly on academic learning but often includes notes about social and emotional gifts too.
You might wonder, "Why do kids have imaginary friends?" Children can develop invisible friends to practice their new social skills or to process the things they see and experience. Your child might create an imaginary companion to: Listen to and support them. Play with them.
Dr. Rooney advises keeping things in perspective. “Kids need just one or two good friends. You don't have to worry about them being the most popular kid in their class.”
Your children may feel empathetic with others but others may reject them. The first trait can cause frustration and self-doubt; the second can cause sadness or confusion. Other aspects of giftedness can cause big emotional reactions that are hard to handle. High energy and alertness can become frustration.
Signs of giftedness can appear as early as infancy and continue during the toddler and preschool years. Testing for giftedness and high IQ, however, usually takes place around age 5.
Those who are considered “gifted” are especially likely to experience depression, particularly existential depression, a type of depression that centers around thoughts about life, death, and meaninglessness as the name might suggest.