People with a history of insecure relationships may automatically assume that future ones are doomed to fail. Research backs up the theory that self-sabotage can be a form of self-protection.
One of the key reasons people self-sabotage is a lack of self-esteem . This can have many different causes, but the effects are the same: feelings of worthlessness or incompetence, the belief that you don't deserve success, and even self-hatred.
In many cases, self-destructive behavior is rooted in anxiety. Our anxious behaviors can cause us to avoid doing what we need to do to reach our goals. In this case, we're not avoiding the goal: just the perceived negative consequences of it. That includes the negative emotions we associate with it.
While self-sabotage happens in the general population, it tends to be more prevalent in people who experienced significant childhood and developmental trauma, which includes all types of abuse, neglect, and abandonment.
Often driven by anxiety, fear, and self-doubt, they undermine their efforts to build the life they want. Self-sabotage becomes especially problematic when the behavior becomes a habit, done so automatically that you don't even fully realize you're doing it or that it is leading directly to negative consequences.
Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.
People with PTSD may be more likely to engage in self-injurious behaviors, such as cutting or burning themselves, as a way of managing intense and unpleasant emotions. 2 Before you can stop engaging in self-injurious behavior, it's important to first learn why it might have developed.
Self-sabotage is rooted in counterproductive mindsets including negativity, disorganization, indecisiveness, and negative self-talk. Perfectionism and imposter syndrome are also forms of self-sabotage.
Unresolved developmental trauma too often leads to a negative sense of self.
While self-sabotaging is definitely an unhealthy behavior, you can rest: it's very common and very normal. Best of all: the behavior can be stopped! Challenge your way of thinking and your behaviors while remembering to be kind to yourself. Instead of being your own worst enemy, why not be your own best friend?
Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.
Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
create anxiety, stress, loneliness, and increased likelihood of depression. cause problems with friendships and romantic relationships. seriously impair academic and job performance. lead to increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.
In some cases, people who are exposed to toxic behavior may develop a distorted sense of self-worth, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. This can have a lasting impact on their mental health, making it difficult for them to form healthy relationships in the future.
It can even turn you into a toxic person. If you're suffering from low self-esteem, it's important to recognize the situation you're in and all the ramifications associated with it.
Children who have experienced complex trauma often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and may have limited language for feeling states. They often internalize and/or externalize stress reactions and as a result may experience significant depression, anxiety, or anger.
While some are unable to recall a small period of time, others are missing entire years of their life. Along with memory loss, other signs of repressed trauma can include low self-esteem, substance abuse disorders, increased physical or mental illnesses, and interpersonal problems.
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may self-sabotage by pushing others away. You may also prioritize independence over intimacy, which can take a toll on relationships. Try letting your partner know when you feel like you need extra space, but also practice relying on your partner for small things.
How do you deal with a self-sabotaging partner? If your partner tries to self-sabotage your relationship, it is important to remember that it isn't your fault. Don't try to excuse their behavior, but don't take it personally. Try to reinforce positive behaviors and encourage them when they make process.
Narcissists spend a lot of time being miserable and filled with rocky relationships and unfulfilling lives. They are their own worst enemies, and they self-sabotage with their inability to separate self from ego.
According to the study, “the onset of PTSD causes a decline in memory ability and attentional function, which interferes with one's life and leads to self-denial, resulting in a decline in self-esteem”.
Unconscious self-sabotage.
You do it without being aware of how it undermines you. For example, you withdraw from a relationship as soon as minor problems arise — even though you want a deeper connection with that person.
Self-sabotage happens when our logical conscious mind gets in conflict with our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is known as the anti-self, that critical inner voice, that holds us back and undermines our efforts and best intentions (4). Self-sabotage is any action that gets in the way of achieving your goals.