Many narcissistic parents are neglectful or abusive to their children, which can result in lasting negative impacts that continue into adulthood. With treatment, it is possible to heal from narcissistic abuse and learn ways to improve your mental well-being and form healthy, fulfilling relationships as an adult.
A narcissistic parent will often try to control their children with threats and emotional abuse. Narcissistic parenting adversely affects the psychological development of children, affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes.
Narcissistic parents love to compare their children to other siblings or peers in an effort to further diminish them. They want their scapegoated children to fight for their approval and attention. They also want to provoke them into feeling less than.
They may seek revenge on their ex-spouse through the form of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). Through PAS, narcissists use their children as pawns to get back at their ex in an effort to prove their dominance.
You see, not only will a narcissist subject their children to all the usual abusive behaviours that they subject everyone else to, but at the same time, they view their children as extensions of themselves; as not being separate from them.
Narcissistic parents may compulsively undercut their children, both intentionally and collaterally. Adultifying, infantilizing, and gaslighting are just a few of the common forms of sabotage narcissistic parents may engage in.
Narcissistic parental brainwashing occurs when a parent with narcissistic tendencies psychologically manipulates the child into thinking false narratives about the other parent. This could entail painting the other parent as dangerous, unloving, unintelligent, or somehow not good for the child.
A narcissist will put on a good show for court and shout how they have 'the best interests of the child' in mind, but when you look closely, the evidence will say otherwise. Narcissists are incapable of putting anyone's needs before their own, and can often put the child at risk of harm.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
Narcissists 'can never really love anyone'
"They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone." This doesn't change when they have children.
The child is often shamed and humiliated by a narcissistic parent and will grow up with poor self-esteem. The child often will become either a high achiever or a self-saboteur, or both.
Instead of providing empathy and allowing the child to contact the parent, the narcissist may pervasively shame the child and withdraw love. The child quickly learns that in order to avoid the pain of emotional abandonment, she must ignore her own needs and feelings and do what the narcissistic parent wants.
In order to deal with the problem, it's important to be able to recognize the signs of being married to a narcissist. One of the first things a narcissist does it isolate you from family and friends. They want you to be completely dependent on them and eliminate any support system you have in place.
They Feel a Loss of Control
If the narcissist feels like they are losing control of the situation, a rage fit allows them to regain power over those around them.
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, which impacts all their relationships, including those with their mothers. They are often dismissive, neglectful, or manipulative, using their mother to fulfill their own needs without considering her feelings.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
The children of a narcissist are divided into two categories: the golden one and the others. There really is no rhyme or reason the narcissist singles out one child over the other. It can be because of personality similarities, a willingness to admire the parent unconditionally, the same gender or similar interests.
A narcissistic family structure will often be full of deceit, emotional abuse, and multiple forms of narcissistic manipulation. These dynamics are extremely dysfunctional and harmful for any family members involved, no matter their position or “role” in the family system.
If parents are overly indulgent (permissive parenting style), and neglectful (uninvolved parenting style), or if they focus solely on the child's achievements rather than teaching them how to handle emotions (authoritarian parenting style), they may be setting their kids up for narcissistic behaviour down the road.
The obsession or focus a narcissistic parent has on a child often has to do with the parent's own emotional needs. Narcissistic parents support children's “greatness” and encourage their talents, with the excuse that they love their child and are sacrificing themselves for the child's future.
Low or fragile self-esteem
Children of narcissists typically experience having low self-esteem throughout their childhood and sometimes into their adulthood. They have low esteem because they grew up with parents who never thought they were good enough or loved them unconditionally.
When you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it can trigger mind and body trauma, including low self-esteem, panic attacks, and mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. The behaviors of a narcissistic parent are considered child abuse.