It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
So when the relationship that a narcissist has with someone ends, it is common for them to move on very quickly because they need to find a new source of supply before they become consumed by their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Narcissists will never miss you because they do not develop healthy feelings for people. They only care about themselves. They have almost zero emotional attachment to other people and only care about themselves. However, they will miss the way you make them feel.
The reality is that most people with narcissistic personality disorder have a perfectly adequate memory. It is just highly selective and focused on what they want to be true. They take Ray S. Jones position: “The truth is what we say it is…
The narcissist seems to remember every time you wronged them and made them upset but can't seem to remember what is important to you or plans they made with you. If you step back and look at what the narcissist remembers and what they forget, you will see their memory is in fact selective.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn't being met when you're not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.
When a narcissist realizes they can no longer control you, it is common for them to use many different manipulation tactics to try to regain control over you, such as gaslighting, baiting, intermittent reinforcement, hoovering, narcissistic rage, discarding, smear campaigns, and self-victimization.
Narcissists can make us feel special.
If we were to lose them, we would also lose the spotlight that shines on them. We may feel resistant to leaving, because we're afraid of sacrificing the feeling of specialness we gained by being linked to them.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too. "Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider.
Some narcissists may have a harder time dealing with a romantic breakup. Others might move on quicker, and, to you, it may appear as if they never loved you.
Once they don't need you to fuel their ego anymore, a narcissist will discard and abandon you. Also, if you decide to stand for yourself, set boundaries, and ask for reciprocity, a narcissist will discard you with no apology, empathy, or remorse.
Leaving a narcissist is similar to breaking a heroin addiction. It is painful and difficult, but in the end, you get your life back. In order to get yourself through the hardest parts of the initial break, you must allow yourself to experience the discomfort and anxiety, and let yourself grieve your loss.
Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Interestingly, the narcissist doesn't just fear to lose you because you make their world go round. They fear to lose you because you also make their world look good.
Generally, how do narcissists feel when you move on? Naturally, narcissism is characterized by envy. Besides having an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and requiring constant, narcissists tend to envy others. So, when the narcissist sees you with someone else, it may not go well with them.
In some cases, the no contact effect on a narcissist makes them feel that they're under attack. In other cases, they'll quickly move on, believing they cut you off because you no longer serve them. Alternatively, they charm you so much that you start to doubt your decision.
But here is the rub: Over time, the narcissist usually senses that you are pulling away, and it is then that your problems take on a different form. Narcissists hate feeling that they might be rejected or that you might conclude that they are defective. So, they go into compensation mode by turning the tables.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
When you first meet, you can be overtaken by their charm and achievements. It is the way of the narcissist to try to win you over. They may do this with gifts, charming words, adoration, and compliments you dearly want to believe. But if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.