Many narcissists have a habit of disappearing for weeks, months, even years. Then suddenly reappearing as if they were never away.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
So, a narcissistic relationship will last for as long as they can get something out of it. If you keep giving them attention, a narcissist will keep coming back. They will return as many times as they want, but only if you allow them to.
So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn't being met when you're not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.
Narcissists sometimes disappear to punish you for something they believe you've done wrong. Then reappear when they've decided to “forgive” you. It's their way of conditioning you to do as you're told, through reward and punishment. They also control the relationship.
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
So when the relationship that a narcissist has with someone ends, it is common for them to move on very quickly because they need to find a new source of supply before they become consumed by their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
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A narcissist is likely to be enraged when they begin to lose control. They may lash out at you, go on a smear campaign, or purposefully ignore you.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Sometimes a triggering event will motivate the narcissist to leave. These are usually life-altering events for one of you. If you become ill or incapacitated or unable or unwilling to participate in the life the narcissist has designed, that may prompt the narcissist to leave.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
They have to leave. They need a new source of supply, just like the black hole needs more celestial bodies to keep feeding it. Heartbreakingly I know of people who hung on, hoping beyond hope that the narcissist would FINALLY start caring and stop doing the terrible things they did to them and love them instead.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too. "Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider.
Narcissists require constant attention, admiration, and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply, to maintain their inflated self-image. It is almost impossible to provide a narcissist with the level of supply they require, so when they inevitably feel you are not giving them enough, they may discard you.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.
How Long Do Narcissistic Relationships Last? Narcissists typically end their relationships once they get bored with a partner.
As a general rule, narcissists will come back after discarding you. But sadly, this isn't because they love, care about, or miss you. It is because they want to maintain power and control over you for as long as possible.
They ignore you because they want to control you. One of the main reasons why a narcissist ignores you is that they want to control you. More likely, they want to regain control of you. A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.