Apologize. If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
Narcissists use apologies to return the advantage to them.
Narcissists seem to think saying they're sorry and will get them instant forgiveness. An apology is a get-out-of-jail-free card for narcissists, and when they play it, it's to get back their power — not give it away.
While many of us occasionally miss the mark in apologizing, a telling characteristic of narcissists is their tendency to refuse to apologize or to issue apologies that leave others underwhelmed, confused, or feeling even worse.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
You can instead say something like, “I'm not in a place to forgive you at the moment, but thank you—I needed to hear this apology.” You can also say something like, “While I appreciate the time you took to give me this apology, I'm still pretty hurt, and just not ready to accept it at the moment.
Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. You may experience insults, put-downs, and even mocking behaviors, like laughing as you express hurt.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
The capacity to feel and express genuine gratitude is a hallmark of psychological maturity and health. In fact, an inability to say thank you, along with extreme difficulties saying sorry, is considered typical of people with narcissistic personalities.
Narcissists can be grandiose when it comes to self-serving, unnecessary spending (i.e., buying a designer watch they can't afford), but skimp on the essentials (i.e., food, health expenses, basic household items).
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Any apology from a narcissist is bogus, so don't even consider reconciliation, and always remember the importance of ignoring a narcissist's apology. Smooth-talking, buttering, and perhaps love bombing will occur, so be prepared. They will mislead you until you believe they are becoming a better person.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Narcissists on the other hand argue in what is sometimes referred to as bad faith. It means that they dont even care about, or try to understand, the other person. Or even worse, they are dedicated to deliberately misunderstanding and mischaracterizing others, often to the point of absurdity.
Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist's beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying.
Tendency to hold grudges
Covert narcissists tend to hold grudges for a long time. If they feel they are being treated unfairly, they may say nothing at the moment but wait to take revenge in some way. Along with a desire for revent, these grudges can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
They have a lot of friends, they tend to date more,” said W. Keith Campbell, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia. “It's not that there are more out there. But people who are narcissistic are extroverted and have big social networks.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
In addition, a narcissist will never accept blame or apologize for their wrongdoings. In fact, it's likely that they'll blame you for upsetting them and causing them to lash out. If you find that you're romantically involved with someone who never cares about your wants and needs, the relationship might be toxic.