While the distractibility, disorganization, and impulsivity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) can cause problems in many areas of adult life, these symptoms can be particularly damaging when it comes to your closest relationships.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can impact intimacy in marriage. Some challenges surrounding ADHD and sex may include a lack of impulse control or sensory issues. Since folks with ADHD can experience inattention, a lack of focus during intimacy may cause a partner to feel as though they're not desired.
Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
Studies have shown that the greater the number of ADHD symptoms, the greater the fear of intimacy. Fear of intimacy and a reduced belief in the value of intimacy appear to be strongly related to symptoms of inattention. Sex is a component of intimacy in a relationship and ADHD also affects sexual activity.
Mood swings are common in people with ADHD. People with this disorder can be hypersensitive, too. That means sensations, like touch, that may feel normal to another person can feel too intense for someone with ADHD.
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions more deeply than other kids do, and love is no exception. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the good — and bad — feelings that come with it can be even more intense and more disruptive. New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable.
Many people with ADHD have difficulty focusing. A person may quickly lose sight of how frequently he pays attention to his partner and the things that matters to the partner. In turn, this can cause the new partner to feel uncared for or ignored. ADHD impacts a person's ability to focus, or remember commitments.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
Common ADHD-Related Problems
Impulsive spending or overspending. Starting fights or arguing. Trouble maintaining friendships and romantic relationships. Speeding and dangerous driving.
Falling in Love with ADHD
It's true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet.
You get bored of romantic relationships and friendships easily. The ADHD brain does not tolerate boredom well. ADHD and relationships can mean that once you move past the exciting romantic stage into the steady phase, you might find yourself chomping at the bit. Or, worse, sabotaging all and breaking up.
The roots of hyperfocus in ADHD relationships are complex, but the end result is often clear: While some partners may feel smothered, many get swept away by the over-the-top adoration. Then, when the obsessive love fades — or, more commonly, ends abruptly — the other partner feels abandoned and keenly bereft.
“Love bombing” is defined by someone showering their partner with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery in order to gain their trust and dependence.
The impulsivity, disorganization, and difficulty with focus that are often associated with ADHD can create challenges in communication, trust, and intimacy in a relationship.
“People with ADHD generally feel their feelings more strongly, tend to wear them on their sleeve, and tend to act on them more. This can make someone a lot of fun when things are going well, but can cause big strains on the relationship when the feelings being expressed are anger or frustration,” says Tuckman.
For patients diagnosed with adult ADHD there tends to be a “honeymoon period”, where they are really happy with treatment. They are excited and like 'wow I feel great' / 'this is so much better'.
“Opposites Attract”: People with ADHD are attracted to “organized” and joyless workers bees who can keep the trains running for the both of them and who in turn are drawn to their free-spirited ADHD partner's spontaneity and sense of fun.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags. Here, learn how to spot signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful. Financial abuse or dishonesty.
Emotional detachment, or the act of being disconnected or disengaged from the feelings of others, is a symptom of ADHD.