Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can send your most important relationship off the rails. Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can cause misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments in your closest relationships. But there are ways to build a healthier, happier partnership.
Poor concentration can make it hard to appear interested, as people with ADHD can drift off in conversations or when discussing family matters and plans. The difficulties caused by attention deficit in ADHD can lead to a lack of confidence, which can affect a persons ability to form and maintain relationships.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
Many people with ADHD have difficulty focusing. A person may quickly lose sight of how frequently he pays attention to his partner and the things that matters to the partner. In turn, this can cause the new partner to feel uncared for or ignored. ADHD impacts a person's ability to focus, or remember commitments.
ADHD and relationships can mean that once you move past the exciting romantic stage into the steady phase, you might find yourself chomping at the bit. Or, worse, sabotaging all and breaking up.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.
The roots of hyperfocus in ADHD relationships are complex, but the end result is often clear: While some partners may feel smothered, many get swept away by the over-the-top adoration. Then, when the obsessive love fades — or, more commonly, ends abruptly — the other partner feels abandoned and keenly bereft.
ADHD can make you feel angry or lonely. These emotions may feel draining and sap your interest in sex. Symptoms of ADHD can also cause relationship issues that make it harder for you and your partner to enjoy intimacy. For example, mood swings may make you more prone to arguing.
Difficulty paying attention.
People with ADHD may seem spaced out during conversations. This could cause a partner to feel ignored and unimportant. The person with ADHD may also miss key details or agree to things without fully taking them in.
Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful. Financial abuse or dishonesty.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags. Here, learn how to spot signs of an unhealthy relationship.
A person with ADHD often seeks out a partner whose natural skills include organization and attention to detail. If that's yoau, it may feel "normal" for you to jump in and help out where there is a need because you are good at it.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
Advice for men with ADHD
Work with your partner, and perhaps a counselor, to come up with alternative interactions about experiences that cause you pain. These might include verbal cues, scheduling emotional discussions rather than having them on the fly, and improving mindfulness when you are putting yourself down.
“Opposites Attract”: People with ADHD are attracted to “organized” and joyless workers bees who can keep the trains running for the both of them and who in turn are drawn to their free-spirited ADHD partner's spontaneity and sense of fun.
ADHD and NPD are two different disorders that sometimes can co-occur. While NPD is a personality disorder and ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, they may, for different reasons, share central features like lower levels of empathy and interpersonal difficulties.
People with ADHD often have difficulty with self-regulation and other executive function skills. They may say or do things impulsively without thinking through whether it will hurt someone's feelings. When their impulsivity upsets others, they often feel bad, because the intent wasn't to hurt anybody.
ADHD brains crave stimulation, and they just might chase relationship drama to get it. Next time you catch yourself (or your partner) falling into these common traps — outlined here by Dr. Daniel Amen — take a step back and re-evaluate.
Individuals with ADHD exhibit behavior that is often seen as impulsive, disorganized, aggressive, overly sensitive, intense, emotional, or disruptive.
In adults, the main features of ADHD may include difficulty paying attention, impulsiveness and restlessness. Symptoms can range from mild to severe. Many adults with ADHD aren't aware they have it — they just know that everyday tasks can be a challenge.