While a BPD favorite person is typically someone you have a close connection to, the relationship is unlikely to be healthy, stable, or secure. People with BPD frequently engage in a thought process called BPD splitting, which causes you to see people as all good or all bad.
Those with BPD struggle with what is known as “splitting” on their FP, constantly shifting between idealization and devaluation; the shifting goes between these two extremes.
The relationship often appears to be very close and intense. The individual with BPD can become quickly dependent on their favorite person for reassurance, approval, and guidance.
However, if the favorite person does something that the individual perceives as abandonment or rejection, they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. These emotions can be all-consuming, leading to suicidal ideation, self-harm, or impulsive behavior.
BPD Splitting on the Favorite Person
This happens when they're feeling very strong emotions and their fear of being abandoned is triggered. BPD splitting makes the person with BPD quickly go from seeing the favorite person in a perfect, angelic light to seeing them in a negative, devilish light.
Splitting is triggered by anything that causes a person with BPD to take an extreme emotional viewpoint. The trigger could be something that seems harmless or “innocent” but is enough to spur emotions that a person with BPD is not able to handle.
BPD splitting episodes do not have a time limit. They can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months. In some cases, the person with BPD may split on a person, situation, or item forever and never back away from their extreme view.
Someone with BPD might also push someone away in order to “test” whether the person will stay with them or come back to them after being pushed away.
However, someone with BPD wants and needs their favorite person's attention. They expect their favorite person to always answer their phone calls, respond to their messages, and be excited to see them. You are eager to make them happy.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
An “FP” (or Favorite Person) is a person who someone with mental illness relies on for support, and often looks up to or idolizes. Common with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it's often that someone has a minimum of one FP, but a person can have many.
But there is another quality displayed by many borderline individuals that is often left out of the diagnostic picture: individuals with borderline personality disorders can also love intensely, although somewhat erratically and egocentrically.
Absolutely! BPD comes with a lot of hardships but, with time and effort, you can learn coping skills that will make them a lot easier to manage. Becoming easily attached to people is a legitimate struggle, especially if they reach 'favorite person' status as is common with BPD.
A person typically splits unconsciously or without realizing it. Rather than seeing people in their lives as complex human beings with good, bad, and in-between characteristics, they may apply intensely polarizing or exaggerated labels.
Splitting is a psychological mechanism which allows the person to tolerate difficult and overwhelming emotions by seeing someone as either good or bad, idealised or devalued. This makes it easier to manage the emotions that they are feeling, which on the surface seem to be contradictory.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
The only pairing I have seen that works well for and is healing for people with BPD is when they find a partner who is emotionally present, consistently faithful and loyal, unconditionally loving, but also sets boundaries. People with BPD can find rejecting partners and codependent partners fairly easily.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
Those struggling with BPD often have difficulty regulating their emotions or impulsive behavior which could lead to them cheating on their loved ones.
Many issues may arise when a relationship in which one partner has BPD ends. Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.