As a result, students may be led to believe that therapists must remain strong and neutral, and that tears are unprofessional and undermine a therapist's strictly defined role. Yet tears are common for many therapists, research suggests.
Amy Blume-Marcovici: Actually, I'm not sure that they have! It turns out that 72% of therapists cry and those who do cry in 7% (on average) of therapy sessions.
Many people experience a range of feelings after a therapy session. Sometimes you can leave feeling light as a feather—as if a major weight has been lifted from your chest—after having a certain realization, or, with help from a therapist, learning to reframe a previously distressing situation.
Normalize and validate the response. Compassionately state that crying is a normal reaction. Let the client know explicitly that it's okay to cry; there's no need to hold back the tears. If offering a tissue box, it's often useful to say, “Please don't try to hold those tears back.
Due to the emotionally demanding nature of their work, especially in recent times, therapists and counselors often find themselves burned out. It's crucial to take stock of your own needs and practice self care to help manage stress and prevent burnout.
An emotional hangover is any lingering uncomfortable feelings after your first therapy session. They typically appear a few hours after your session and can last into the following day. You may notice a range of emotions, including feeling frustrated, anxious, embarrassed, or irritable.
Therapists do get frustrated with clients from time to time, but some can handle difficult clients better than others. This may be due to training or inherent personality traits.
According to new research, 72 percent of therapists surveyed felt friendship toward their clients. 70 percent of therapists had felt sexually attracted to a client at some point; 25 percent fantasized about having a romantic relationship.
The connected therapist feels what the client is feeling. However, there is always a part of the therapist that is calm and detached, observing those emotions, and objectively using that information to guide the session.
You also know therapy is working if you're using the skills you learned in session, outside of session. For example, are you better able to set boundaries with others, prioritize your own needs and demands, and effectively deal with situations without spiraling into a panic attack? These are great signs of progress.
You might even experience a therapy hangover — when you actually feel worse after a session. If you feel worse after a therapy session, it may be tempting to think that you're just not cut out for it. But this is not the case. Therapy hangovers are relatively common, and they tend to get better with time.
Common triggers for therapist tears are grief and loss or trauma, says Blume-Marcovici. Therapists who have suffered recent losses or major life stresses may return to work too soon — and then may find themselves crying when counseling patients who have had similar experiences.
Whether or not you've personally witnessed a therapist cry, it's a fairly common occurrence. In a 2013 study, almost three-quarters of psychologists admitted they've shed tears during a session.
YES! It is completely normal to cry in therapy. Crying in therapy can actually be a sign of progress. People often feel uncomfortable crying in therapy due to fear of being vulnerable, belief that they need to be strong or concerns about being judged.
Even when proper therapeutic boundaries are held, it is not unusual for a counselor to grieve a client's death. Counselors often form emotional bonds with their clients because therapeutic relationships are relationships.
Scanning our body for tightness, emotion, specific sensations such as a sinking gut can help provide insight into how we experience the world and provide direction for steps going forward. A therapist is not a keeper of all the right answers and does not intuitively know what is best for you.
After you realize that transference is very common and not shameful, talk about your feelings with your therapist. Professing your love (or whatever emotion you're feeling) may be easier said than done, but it can help your therapist understand your issues and help you get the most out of your therapy.
While not common, a friendship can develop when you've finished therapy. There are no official rules or ethical guidelines from either the American Psychological Associated or American Psychiatric Association regarding friendships with former clients.
Client-therapist friendships can be unethical, according to codes of ethics from many bodies that govern therapists, including the American Psychological Association [APA]. By becoming friends with a client, a therapist can risk disciplinary action from governing bodies or losing licensure.
When it comes to a therapist who you paid to listen to you, though, it may feel more complicated. But missing your former therapist is completely normal, experts say.
When a client who is usually verbal begins to fall silent while talking about something difficult, corresponding silence by the therapist is often helpful and supportive. It may convey attention and interest, as well as the therapist's commitment to not interfere with the client's need to process what is going on.
If you believe you're safe and comfortable with a hug from your therapist, it doesn't hurt to ask for one. Of course, your therapist has a right to say no.