Even toxic parents can sometimes be loving, warm or nurturing, though it's mostly, if not always, done to further their own agenda. In the same way that being 'a little bit bad' probably isn't enough to sever an important relationship, being 'a little bit good' isn't enough reason to keep one.
The Parent Withholds Love
Emotionally abusive parents may withhold love and affection as a way to punish children or change their behavior. While children do need firm limits and discipline at times, punishing children by withholding love can hurt a child's sense of self-worth.
Yes, your toxic parents may indeed love you, but because of their nature, they behave and do things that show otherwise. They have particular behaviors that are more dominant than showing you their love through actions.
Once you recognize that you have a toxic mother, it would be great if you could talk to her, set healthy boundaries, and make changes to stop the negative behavior. However, chances are she won't change.
Common signs of a toxic mother include ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse in severe cases. Toxic mothers cannot recognize the impacts of their behavior, and children grow up feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected.
You Don't Have to Stay
Toxic parents want to be in control of almost every aspect of your life. One of the best things you can do is to let go of your guilt for wanting [to] control your life yourself and start making decisions on your own. You don't have to run to your parents whenever they want you.
Like so many other toxic parents, they may not even know why they do it, and it's even more likely that they don't realize what they're doing. After all, toxic parents aren't known for self-awareness or self-improvement.
If a range of poor parenting behaviours existed, they tended to be found in the same parent, the study found. Just over 22 per cent of the mothers and 14 per cent of the fathers were classified as toxic.
Healing from the damage of a toxic parent doesn't happen in isolation. You need to spend time with someone who can extend compassion and clarity. If you weren't guided or cared for as a child, find someone who can help you see yourself clearly.
“Children who are not raised in safe, loving, respectful, and consistent environments tend to grow up feeling very unsafe and untrusting,” explains Manly. As a result, they tend to experience challenges trusting themselves and others throughout life.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Patients can include people that have experienced childhood abuse and domestic abuse. The truth, however, is that PTSD can happen to anyone, and it can result from any form of traumatic experience — even emotional abuse.
PTSD symptoms displayed by abused children and young people include learning difficulties, poor behaviour at school, depression and anxiety, aggression, risk-taking and criminal behaviours, emotional numbness, and a range of physical issues including poor sleep and headaches.
Childhood abuse is associated with a wide range of negative outcomes, including increased risk for development of emotion dysregulation and psychopathology such as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Toxic parents tend to be self-centered, putting their own needs before their children's. Such parents are self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and do not have empathy for others.
Here are some of the effects of toxic parenting on you:
Children of abusive parents are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you are a sensitive person, and in case, if you make mistakes that upset your parents, you can become overly self-critical and blame yourself for everything.
Auleta tells Romper that some narcissistic traits a toxic father might display include dominating the conversation, excessive or neglectful communication (like too many or too few calls or texts), blaming others for their behavior, making you second guess your decisions or criticizing your choices, or love bombing ...
Many children who grow up in a toxic environment are diagnosed with anxiety disorders. This comes from a lack of security, an unstable environment, or mental and physical mistreatment. Some signs your family is toxic include feeling worried, tense, irritable, or restless.
Lazy parenting includes being uninterested in spending time and energy with kids, giving kids devices to shut them up, not being willing to listen to kids because they are too lazy to deal with uncomfortable feelings and tantrums, etc.
“If reconciliation is possible, it begins with the parent.” It's not your obligation to stick around if they remain abusive or chronically destructive. Many toxic parents try to deny their child's independence or use gifts as leverage, but those things don't mean you have to have a relationship with them.
Take a break from them if you need it.
Sometimes you need to get away from your toxic parents so you can heal. Don't be afraid to cut them off for awhile, if you need it. Block their calls and unfollow them on social media. Give yourself time to relax and heal.
Talking to a parent about mental health can be scary for a number of reasons. Many people report being afraid to tell their parents because they do not want to upset them. Sometimes we don't understand where troubling feelings or thoughts are coming from and feel guilty for having them.
Some parents dismiss their children's emotions because they don't understand them or don't want to face them. It could be due to experiences in their own lives, their own projected feelings, the feeling of embarrassment, or fear of their own emotions.