The closest family members will usually be beside the body, which is typically laid out in a coffin. You should make your way to them, shake hands and offer your condolences. It's sometimes hard to know what to say, and people will understand this as it is an awkward situation.
At a funeral we usually condole in two moments. When entering the ceremonial hall, the people approaching go greet the person arranging the funeral and closest bereaved. If it is the first time you met the bereaved after death, then usually with a handshake and express your condolences in words.
If you are struggling to find a way to put your thoughts into words, and you want to send a message but are unable to think of what to say to someone before a funeral, consider something simple; “I will be thinking of you today.” “Sending love and prayers to you and your family.” “I hope things run smoothly today.”
As a general rule, everyone is welcome at a funeral and you don't need to wait for an invitation. This includes those who didn't know the deceased but would like to offer their support to the family or another guest.
“I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.” “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”
The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
5 reasons not to go to the funeral:
Your attendance at the service would be upsetting to any member of the immediate family. The services are private and not open to the public. The services are out of town and you cannot get there, or you cannot arrange for the time off work.
While you should generally steer clear of bright colours and loud prints (unless otherwise requested), other things to avoid include very revealing or overly casual clothes, like ripped jeans, sheer tops or pieces with inappropriate cut-out details. Accessory-wise, keep things minimal.
You can demonstrate your love, attention, and support to a grieving person in a number of ways. While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.
It is appropriate for the deceased's family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances to attend the funeral. Your presence will mean a lot to the family and they will remember that you were there.
Usually people say a short prayer by the casket and then proceed to share their condolences with the family. Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family.
Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
Is it bad to cry at a funeral? Everyone shows their emotions differently and it can be healthy to cry at a funeral – don't feel embarrassed. Though, if you become a bit overwhelmed and find yourself crying uncontrollably, it's a good idea to excuse yourself until you have regained control.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.