In other words, an emotionally unavailable person may not be able to relate to you, put themselves in your shoes, or consider your feelings when making a decision. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs.
Being emotionally unavailable does not make you a bad person or someone incapable of love. It may mean you're just not looking for a serious relationship at this time and need to be clearer about that with the people you're interacting with.
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.
While emotional availability is a key part of healthy relationships, emotional unavailability tends to be characteristic of unhealthy or even toxic relationships or patterns. After all, a critical part of forming and maintaining meaningful relationships is getting vulnerable and taking some risks with our emotions.
“Though their patience is never enough to make the problem go away, partners in marriage need to know they're loved and wanted and they need to hear it and feel it.” If you're involved with an emotionally unavailable person, your relationship isn't necessarily doomed.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.
Many emotionally unavailable individuals struggle with issues of insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, they often cannot sustain the deep emotional bonds that a healthy relationship requires. This emotional unavailability can manifest in a variety of characteristics and signs.
#9 He Gets Jealous
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. What is this? Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
When someone who is emotionally unavailable gives you attention, you instantly feel an attraction because somewhere deep down you resonate with them. It gets easier for you to express yourself and before you know it, you are in a trap.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
Dating unavailable people might be a defense mechanism and a barrier against developing intimacy with someone. If they're unavailable, your relationship will never progress to the point where they can profoundly wound you.
The only way you can process your feelings is by 1) being real and staying real about who he is and 2) getting real with yourself. Your feelings for him are tied up in your lack of feelings for yourself. You would not invest so much time and emotion in an emotionally unavailable man if your self-esteem were better.
One of the common traits of an emotionally distant woman is avoiding all sorts of conversations. When you try, she might appear irritated or might ghost you. She will often make excuses to avoid getting together, connecting, or catching up. Another common trait is, you find her secretive.
Touch, compliments, and sex are all means to intimacy, which the emotionally unavailable person avoids.
Friendship.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance.
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again. This is why it's also important to understand what happened or what triggered him to be like this.
Perhaps you consciously want commitment, but deep down you fear true intimacy, losing your sense of self in the relationship, or getting hurt. As a result, it may feel safer to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, because you know on some level that you don't have to fully commit to the other person.
In other words, an emotionally unavailable person may not be able to relate to you, put themselves in your shoes, or consider your feelings when making a decision. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs.