It does. It is possible to get over the pain and guilt and move on. However, learning how to stop feeling guilty about cheating wouldn't come easy. Sometimes you will think about what you've done, and you just want to forget about it.
Right now, learning that it takes an average of 2 to 5 years to get over the pain of infidelity may seem impossible. How could you ever get over such a betrayal? Yes, recovering from such a blow is going to take a long time, but there are actions, such as therapy, that can facilitate recovery and save your marriage.
It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.
Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It's common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Unfortunately, there are several long-term effects of infidelity that can affect a person long after the cheating has stopped. These can be life-changing, and lead to the development of certain mental health conditions including chronic depression, anxiety, post-infidelity stress disorder, and betrayal trauma.
Infidelity can cause symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress from the relationship breach that were not previously present before an affair. Some common symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessions about the event.
“Couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don't recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair.” It takes time, however.
It is normal to feel guilty about what you've done after cheating on someone. Guilt is a sign that you understand that what you did was wrong and that you have hurt your partner. Guilt can be a difficult emotion to feel, but it can encourage you to find a way to make things right.
For the betrayed spouse, stages of an affair being exposed can involve everything from denial, shock, reflection, depression to finally taking an upward turn.
When you discover the sexual betrayal of your spouse, it plunges you into pain, loss, and grief. Some women express that it shakes the very foundation of trust for everyone and everything. In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
The final stage of grief from a cheating spouse is acceptance. This will only happen once you fully acknowledge that your partner has betrayed you by having an affair. Acceptance can happen whether or not you have forgiven your spouse. In addition, you do not have to feel okay either.
Hysterical bonding is an emotion-focused coping strategy that occurs after infidelity or betrayal in a romantic relationship. It can occur in the confines of sexual affairs as much as emotional affairs.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
That said, cheating may represent compulsive behavior and fall under the category of behavioral addictions, which may explain patterns of serial and chronic infidelity. There are limited studies examining the data between compulsive cheating and mental health disorders.
If they are willing to learn from their mistakes to avoid repeating them, this can be a positive sign that the relationship may be able to be preserved. If, however, the cheater shows little to no desire to repair the relationship, it might not be wise or healthy to give them a second chance.
Many relationships are worth saving, despite infidelity, but the restoration of trust is paramount. Since partners will never be 100 percent in alignment, it's important to set realistic expectations.
For instance, it's common to feel disappointed or betrayed after infidelity, so take a moment to recognize these feelings are normal. "In general, getting over infidelity follows the usual stages of grief: shock/denial; anger/defiance; bargaining; depression, remorse; and acceptance," explains Weiss.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
Lying to your partner
Lying to or hiding things from your partner is a sure-shot way to ruin your relationship. Even if you're doing it to protect them, keeping little things from the person you love can grow into huge problems and cause trust issues.
A constant feeling of not being enough, whether enough for your partner or in life, is a common reason people cheat. No matter what you do or have, it feels never enough, and you constantly strive to find more. Maybe you feel you need another relationship to fill the void or make you feel whole.
Loss of focus and interest: The depression symptoms of demotivation, loss of interest, lack of energy, irregular sleep, no appetite, low feelings, etc., can persist. Hopelessness about the future: As the world, they know, collapses, there may be hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship.