Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
A narcissistic spouse is typically manipulative, self-centered, difficult to feel connected to, and may be verbally aggressive or abusive.
According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people with NPD have traits that make it harder to love another person. Your narcissistic spouse may not be able to support you or show genuine emotion. Any love or affection they show is often given only for their own benefit.
The narcissist views their spouse as an extension of themselves. If the narcissist wants to present themselves to the world in a certain way, they will pick a spouse who can help them with that image.
It is for this reason narcissists use their spouses, and the other people that they abuse, as repositories for their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Treating their spouses as if they aren't important is one of the most common ways that narcissists maintain emotional stability and remain in power and control.
Feeling respected is important in relationships. New research examines the link between narcissism and respecting one's partner. Narcissists who inflate their own self-view by enjoying others' failures tend not to give their partners enough respect.
Romantic love can evolve into love, but narcissists aren't motivated to really know and understand others. They lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases or when they've won at their game. Even if they marry, they're unlikely to support their spouse's needs and wants if it's inconvenient.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
They will act selfishly and their actions may seriously affect your emotional well-being and self-worth. It is common for people with narcissistic husbands to stay with their partner for far longer than they really want to because they are concerned about how they can manage on their own.
Narcissists tend to be incapable of something called "object constancy," which means they struggle to have positive feelings at the same time as negative ones. Once they are fired up for a fight, they can be incredibly cruel, because all they can comprehend in the moment are feelings of resentment and anger.
If you suspect your narcissistic partner is cheating, explore your emotions and response options before confronting them. Keep in mind that they may employ tactics like gaslighting, denial, defensiveness, or even become abusive, so this encounter may not go well if you're hoping to work things out.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."
Narcissists often cycle between idealizing and devaluing someone in what feels like a hot/cold relationship before moving to the final stage. Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Can a narcissist have a happy marriage? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always “no.” The photos and the couple's public behavior show one thing, while something much less appealing is going on behind the scenes.
Sexual narcissists typically demonstrate a lack of empathy for their partner's needs in an effort to serve their own intimacy needs. They may do so while engaging in aggressive behavior, or more generally by ignoring their partner's requests or preferences in order to prioritize their own.
Final Thoughts on the Red Flags of a Narcissist
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inflated sense of self-importance. It's essential to understand that dealing with a narcissist can be draining and challenging.
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
They will often break up with their partner but they will do it in stages until the victim is too worn down to leave them. One of the most common reasons that narcissists give for breaking up with their partner is that they feel like they are not good enough for them or they don't want to hurt them by staying together.
Behind the facade, however, narcissistic individuals often have a fragile self-esteem that is likely to crack under any pressure. The narcissist's need to defend his or her fragile sense of self can be especially acute during the divorce process, where each spouse's conduct is likely to be scrutinized and questioned.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
You start to worry about the well-being of your children and yourself, but you push your thoughts away, reminding yourself that everyone has problems. You feel very lonely and start to realize you are more like an object in your husbands life, rather than a valuable partner.
While it's not impossible for a narcissist to be faithful, it is unlikely due to their self-centered nature and lack of empathy. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of these traits so that you can protect yourself and your relationship.