Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder “We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
Remember that splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder - while it can be difficult not to take their words and actions personally, remember that the person is not intentionally trying to hurt you.
Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy – it leaves them feeling engulfed.
However, those positive attributes are not without the proverbial strings attached; when the BPD explodes with vindictive rage, all they said or gave to their loved one may be taken away in one fell swoop of aggression. BPDs experience the world in extremes: black-and-white or all-or-nothing.
An individual developing borderline personality disorder begins to have difficulty managing their emotions, which impacts their relationships, their self-image, and their behaviors. Their emotions are extremely intense, which can lead to episodes of depression, anxiety or anger that may persist for days or even weeks.
In other words, what is perceived as manipulation is, in fact, a desperate attempt to cope with the overwhelming fears of abandonment and rejection that sit at the heart of borderline personality disorder.
It is important to remember that while having a relationship with a person with BPD can be challenging, they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. Rather, they lack the ability to understand and cope with their emotional pain, which causes them to act in ways that hurt others.
Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder
“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
They typically endure frequent intense negative emotions and are unable to manage these strong feelings. This emotional rollercoaster can distort how they interpret the world around them. As such, someone with BPD can be easily angered and act viciously when confronted with something they view as “threatening”.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the term sadistic as “taking pleasure in the infliction of pain, punishment, or humiliation on others.” Psychology Today assert that it is certainly possible for some individuals with BPD to be genuinely manipulative or sadistic.
It is now universally recognized by mental health professionals as a debilitating illness that affects every aspect of a person's life. Borderline personality disorder causes a broad range of reactions that can be considered self-destructive or self-sabotaging.
Although manipulation has ceased to be a recognized symptom of BPD, persons with this disorder are still often perceived as using manipulative strategies to ensure that their needs are met. This becomes evident from even cursory online research on the diagnosis.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
The Victim
Individuals with BPD often feel helpless, hopeless, powerless, and ashamed. When in this state of mind, they may adopt a passive role and draw in others to make decisions for them and support them.
Listen as our host speaks candidly with experts, celebrities, and others! If this describes your relationship, you are not alone. Something that is important to remember is that people with BPD generally do not mean to be abusive. They are reacting in response to emotional pain that they cannot tolerate.
Even though a BP/NP may say he or she is sorry, there may be something lacking. The BP/NP may regret an action, but it is hard to see true remorse in their response.
The person with borderline has such a complicated relationship with themselves and their own thoughts that they don't want to take responsibility for them. Crippled by insecurity of the deepest kind, taking responsibility for their own thoughts would mean, to them, having to admit the “wrongs” of their existence.
Tend to sabotage their own happiness and wellbeing due to feelings of being undeserving. Unstable self-image (lack identity) Believes no one cares about them, and so they don't care about themselves. Unstable emotions.
Self-blame is a common occurrence for people with quiet BPD. Most people go through situations where they blame themselves for how something played out, but many with quiet BPD struggle with this on a much regular and emotionally intense basis.
Because of how emotional they are, people with BPD can come across as self-centered. This usually isn't true, and is in fact more often the opposite.