People with the anxious attachment style often internalize what they perceive to be a lack of affection and intimacy as not being “worthy of love,” and they intensely fear rejection as a result. In an attempt to avoid abandonment, an anxious attacher may become clingy, hypervigilant, and jealous in a relationship.
People with anxious attachment style need constant validation, Wegner says, so distance—even if it's perceived—can be triggering. "This can come in the form of a partner going out with friends, connecting with others, or being unavailable because of work or family commitments," she says.
Adults with an anxious attachment style are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone. They seek intimacy and closeness and are highly emotional and dependent on others. The presence of the loved one appears to be a remedy for their strong emotional needs.
Individuals with an anxious attachment style are characterized with: Being clingy. Having an intensely persistent and hypervigilant alertness towards their partner's actions or inactions.
Anxious attachment: These people may have not had their core needs met in childhood. They may have even been abandoned by a parent. As a result, they can be clingy, afraid of abandonment (even when there is no real threat), and preoccupied with thoughts of their partner.
People who possess an anxious attachment style tend to over-identify with and obsess over their relationships, becoming preoccupied with the emotional availability of their love interests.
If you have anxious preoccupied attachment, you may have trouble feeling secure in relationships and have a strong fear of rejection and abandonment. Due to this insecurity, you might behave in ways that appear clingy, controlling, possessive, jealous, or demanding toward your partner.
Anxious attachment style is rooted in abandonment fears and care-related inconsistencies growing up. It's often developed when children are dependent on unreliable caregivers. They repeatedly learn that their caregivers may or may not come through when needed.
A securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. They're able to understand their partner's needs and therefore can help to regulate their partner's emotions.
An adult with an anxious attachment style may become preoccupied with their relationship to the point of coming off as "clingy" or "needy." They often worry that their partner will leave or stop loving them. People with anxious attachment may also become manipulative when they feel that a relationship is threatened.
When both partners have an anxious attachment style, the relationship can often limp along based on mutual fear and need. In such cases, as "safe" as partners might feel, unaddressed wounds often silently fester and manifest as anxiety and stress.
"When it comes to romantic relationships, people with anxious attachment desire connection and love. However, at the same time, they find it difficult to trust people creating overwhelming insecurity about their relationships.
They fall in love easily and tend to hold their partners in high regard. For this reason, they put a lot of effort and dedication into their relationships. Even when a relationship is in trouble, someone with anxious attachment is less likely to give up on it than the other attachment styles.
There are four principles of attachment theory - secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment. People with an anxious attachment style are more likely to struggle with self-doubt, fall in love quickly and carry a strong fear that their partner will leave them. They often require reassurance.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style
Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships.
Toxic relationships often involve a partner with an anxious attachment style and a partner with an avoidant attachment style. The anxious partner may be codependent, and the avoidant partner may have narcissistic tendencies, although that's not always the case.
The Anxious Attachment Style Stress Response
As a result of these feelings, someone with an anxious attachment style engages their “fight” response when stressed. So, they vigilantly search for reassurance and support – especially in their relationships.
Anxious attachment is one of the types of insecure attachment style. Children with anxious attachment express distress when their caregiver leaves and are difficult to soothe when they return. They behave as if they are not certain they can rely upon the caregiver and resent being abandoned.